The Elephant in the Room
Aug. 1st, 2020 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ziggyplayedguitarThings were unbelievable. Ziggy was high on life, so much so that even his cocaine use diminished. Reduced to something at a recreation, instead of life sustaining. A mere week and his drinking was all but gone, except whiskey in his coffee, always.
They'd come to a routine. Ziggy recording, Hiroki training, sharing meals together. They both could cook and that was unexpected, though Ziggy couldn't place why he found it odd. Importantly, Hiroki indulged Ziggy's craving for unending contact. And the sex! When they touched it didn't stop until they were falling asleep, worn out by the desperate need for each other. It was unrestrained as they abandoned themselves to each other. Someone was getting close to satiating his desire for sex and intimacy. It wasn't all day like Ziggy had imagined he would need, daily, perhaps but the idea that it didn't need to be so all consuming to be satisfying was new to the Anthean.
And he didn't have to hide. Since Hiroki returned, Ziggy hadn't put his contacts back in. He could let the Anthean part of himself be exposed, be safe with it known, and, if he was honest with himself, it seemed that Hiroki treasured him more because of it. There was perhaps something to be said for acceptance he could never find on Earth. That acceptance went both ways. Ziggy accepted the fact that his lover was a dead clone, but the Anthean had never seen him as just a clone anyway.
Those thoughts brought questions that had Ziggy glancing up at his lover from where they lay on the couch together. They needed to talk about the elephant, or rather giant robot, metaphorically in the room with them.
"Hiroki?" He asked quietly, not really wanting to disturb him while he read.
They'd come to a routine. Ziggy recording, Hiroki training, sharing meals together. They both could cook and that was unexpected, though Ziggy couldn't place why he found it odd. Importantly, Hiroki indulged Ziggy's craving for unending contact. And the sex! When they touched it didn't stop until they were falling asleep, worn out by the desperate need for each other. It was unrestrained as they abandoned themselves to each other. Someone was getting close to satiating his desire for sex and intimacy. It wasn't all day like Ziggy had imagined he would need, daily, perhaps but the idea that it didn't need to be so all consuming to be satisfying was new to the Anthean.
And he didn't have to hide. Since Hiroki returned, Ziggy hadn't put his contacts back in. He could let the Anthean part of himself be exposed, be safe with it known, and, if he was honest with himself, it seemed that Hiroki treasured him more because of it. There was perhaps something to be said for acceptance he could never find on Earth. That acceptance went both ways. Ziggy accepted the fact that his lover was a dead clone, but the Anthean had never seen him as just a clone anyway.
Those thoughts brought questions that had Ziggy glancing up at his lover from where they lay on the couch together. They needed to talk about the elephant, or rather giant robot, metaphorically in the room with them.
"Hiroki?" He asked quietly, not really wanting to disturb him while he read.
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Date: 2020-09-18 01:39 pm (UTC)I love all of you. But you know that already.
And then the question. However, he wonders what could see possibly want for, when Ziggy's already doing everything with so much feeling-
Surely there are things, but they escape his mind for now. So, for now, all else there is at the moment-
Slightly halted and sheepish,
Hey, Ziggy? I want to hear your heartbeat now, too.
Because isn't that childish? He hopes it's not.
He knows by heart by now where it is, so he's looking near there already, right now.
I'll prolly remember what else I wanna in the meantime.
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Date: 2020-09-18 03:19 pm (UTC)Ziggy runs his hand down the right arm that has just recently reappeared. He loved Hiroki equally with or without his arm.
Any time you want. Ziggy moves to lay down on his stomach. Things are a bit awkward given the placement of his heart but he's grown to enjoy the weight of Hiroki's head on his back when he wants to listen. I can think of some things I want to do.
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Date: 2020-09-19 06:15 am (UTC)I just hope you never have to regret loving me. I, I don't want to put you in harm's way if she ever again tries to retrieve me, I won't, you're too important to me, and-- nevermind.
Listening to that heartbeat, Ziggy's hearbeat, right now, it is so soothing, any dark thoughts are chased away for now.
This is-- this is the one he wants to share his life, well, maybe not life, since Hiroki doesn't really have that anymore, but his existence, with. And--
Idly, he wonders,
Where can I even buy rings in Nexus? Quiznak, I haven't seen any jewelry shop.
The clone's so busy indulging in the closeness of his Ziggy, and thinking, that he hasn't even realised yet that in instance, Ziggy can hear him, too.
And he probably wouldn't mind much, even if he realised. Being able to love and be loved back, without any darkness in the way now, it feels like a victory.
Hiroki smiles.
Ah? I'm open to any ideas, Ziggy.
Anything. He's not quite sure there is anything he wouldn't do, with Ziggy.
There probably are things he wouldn't do. But he won't think about it, and he's certain by now that Ziggy wouldn't ask, either.
When did you first want to be with me, more than for a little bit?
Hiroki asks suddenly, in thought, then immediately adds, more in feeling than in thought, that it's fine, Ziggy needn't say if he doesn't want to. Hiroki doesn't want to pry if it's not - if he's not welcome to do so.
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Date: 2020-09-19 09:19 am (UTC)Ziggy settles in the Hiroki's weight on his back. It feels good, amazing to just let someone listen to his heart and to be able to trust someone to know where it is, know that it means he's alien. The closeness is quickly increasing his desire for physical intimacy.. not just sex but also anything else; touching, kissing too.
Ziggy answers just off hand and not really paying attention. There are a lot of artists in the Nexus.
He's not really focused on thoughts until he's asked a question. He slows down his desires and thinks. I don't really know. Maybe when you tried to leave the apartment and I got in front of you to try and force you to stay? I think I wanted more than just a fling then...It was a slow process. I didn't think I was the kind of person that wanted a permanent lover... hmmm.. definitely when you kissed my palms that first time. It wasn't just that it felt good, it feels absolutely amazing, but realizing you could know what I am and it didn't matter and you didn't make a big deal out of my alieness...that was important to me. Ziggy shrugs and laughs quietly. Somewhere between those two days? There was a couple days after you started staying with me... when I woke up beside you after we'd exhausted ourselves with sex and you were still asleep, I clearly remember thinking I wanted to do this more, I wanted more of that. Maybe then? I don't know. Do you have an exact moment when you kndw you wanted to stay with me?
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Date: 2020-09-20 07:27 am (UTC)I know you're strong, but... she's really strong. For example - well, you've met White, you could surely feel primal power there. It's ancient life... ancient Alchemy - there's not much difference, between those, in ancient times. However, Honerva's managed to kill White, because she wanted to break into Oriande more than anything- ah. right. Oriand. How haven't I guessed? That beautiful place we saw, that was Oriande. White thought of it.
And Hiroki loses the thread of conversation a bit, as he thinks about Oriande. He's glad he could've seen it, the memory, and that Ziggy could, too.
Somehow, it cheers Hiroki up.
Still, there's still a matter of-
Listen, if you want to fight Honerva, I won't stop you. It's your life. But I won't let you do it alone. Ever. If there's a fight against her, I'll be at your side. I won't her have you. But you know that.
He could inwardly curse at himself that during a conversation like this, he's getting aroused again, but it's Ziggy's utter, complete closeness that's doing it to him.
And truth be told, that's alright. Hiroki wants it.
A lot of artists? Good, he may ask one of them for something-- special? Well, whatever.
Something just for you, he thinks. Yeah, a ring's only a symbol, nothing more, but he wants Ziggy to like it.
Exact... no. Though, maybe- when I stopped being scared of you.
Sheepishly, he adds,
Discovering what I am, I- there was a moment, then, when I found you dangerous.
How could I know you're not like her? How could I, ever?
When I've realised that that's utter bullshit. When I've realised - and surely you remember what I said, how I said that if you touch me now, I...
But later, when I realised you'd never do that. When I saw your love for me and knew I'm safe in your arms. I-
I think that's when I knew. Truly. I want to share the rest of my days with you. Everything.
Ah--
I should't have tested you, back then. I was in the wrong, there. People- people shoudn't do that. I hope you're not angry I had tested you then. Thinking back on it, I felt a little guilty.
You're not Honerva, and my fears and anger were my own, I shouldn't have made you hear them. And bear them. I'll never do that again. Okay?
When you truly loved me then, despite-- that's when I knew. I want you.
Oh. No. He might come soon, he's so close to--- and here he was trying to talk. Well, no matter.
It's Ziggy's closeness, so intoxicating-- ah...
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Date: 2020-09-20 08:37 am (UTC)Ziggy is serious about all of it. He would do it for Hiroki even if he knew fighting, and especially killing someone, would potentially kill him even if the person he was fighting didn't. He pushes those thoughts away and instead feels the arousal. It makes sense to him to want someone when you are talking about situation in which you might lose them.
He listens to Hiroki and shakes his head. I did the same. I worried that you'd be like humans in my world and hurt me if you found out I was an alien.
I absolutely think it is normal to test someone who reminds you too much of someone who hurt you or reminds you of how you were hurt. You've got to ensure you're safe and sometimes that takes more proof than others.
Ziggy doesn't get this paranoia about testing his loyalty or kindness. However, emotions are overwhelming thought. Ziggy moans and a wave of inviting emotions echos off of him.
You don't have to hold back. You can have me, ask me for anything... anytime you want. I'll always help when you want pleasure.
This is still safer ground in Ziggy's mind. He's still so much more comfortable with physical affection and sex than he is with the emotions. However, discomfort doesn't mean he's going to stop any of them.
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Date: 2020-09-20 08:43 am (UTC)No, no more thoughts, he just wants to lose himself in Ziggy now, he clings to Ziggy with all of himself, just whispering Ziggy's name in his deepest thoughts and emotions.
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Date: 2020-09-20 09:03 am (UTC)If you want me... I'm always yours. All you have to do is come make love to me.
This is another moment where Ziggy is lost and the only way he knows to respond to the outpouring of love, and express his own emotions, is sex.
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Date: 2020-09-22 04:26 am (UTC)Hiroki just wants Ziggy. Right now. Closer. Closer-
Yes- please-
And he won't be embarassed that Ziggy sees just how much Ziggy desires him, because Ziggy knows that already.
He can only hope that out there in the world, they won't crush into some planet or some star, but right now, he can't bring himself to think about it much, now.
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Date: 2020-09-22 07:22 am (UTC)"Please..." It's all that he can muster right now. Grabbing a hand full of hair, Ziggy moans as he arches his back. Hiroki's own emotions getting the better of the empath.
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Date: 2020-09-25 06:29 am (UTC)Hiroki wants Ziggy, now, more than anything. And Ziggy's desires get through their connection, too, so now everything is so much, it's almost too overwhelming, and he wonders if he's gonna pass out, before he remembers that this is all in their souls right now, so, what would that even mean, passing out right now??
He grabs Ziggy and kisses him roughly, willing himself not to pass out.
You're mine. I love you, Ziggy, and you're mine. Never forget.
There's no room for embarassment for him, right now, he's just going to take Ziggy as roughly as Ziggy would allow, right now...
Hiroki can be flustered about it later. Right now, the desire's just overwhelming.
Let me feel all of you. I want everything. And I'll give you everything I have. Always. I promise. I'm yours. Do what you will with me, always, I-- Zigg---
While still kissing Ziggy, maybe biting a little, too, he pushes his cock into Ziggy, hard.
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Date: 2020-09-25 09:00 am (UTC)I'm yours. Take me... please." Ziggy starts begging, pleading for more aggression. He feels like he's melting and then gives over all of his control to Hiroki. The biting is intoxicating. There's a cry of pain and excitement as Hiroki takes him and then his body arches into his lover. He wants this so desperately. Don't.. don't stop... please.
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Date: 2020-09-26 09:27 am (UTC)Why'd I stop? I've told you, I'm yours. Yours, Ziggy.
Of course he'll continue, after he catches his breath. Breath? Well, it's surely not about the air, but still. Of course thinking is limited that way.
Things are limited, and that's why, when they're limitless - well, he knows from Shiro that Shiro had to take care to make sure not to go insane in Black's Quintessence. Had to take much care in order not to lose his sense of self. Shiro had told him that, because now that Hiroki's remaining essence is in Atlas, it might, with time, be a similar experience for Hiroki. But that was after weeks, months. So, for now, Hiroki doesn't need to focus too much. Though of course there are moments when he needs to seriously focus in order not to lose his sense of self, that's true.
Besides, here and now, he's quite sure that even weeks from now he'll surely have Ziggy to ground him in Reality if needed. Is that selfish? Probably not, because Ziggy doesn't want Hiroki gone, either.
You love me, Hiroki thinks, right now, despite himself, with wonder and awe. He wouldn't say that outloud, but here, he can't help it.
But that's neither here nor there, any cares about losing himself or not, as right now, that's something to think of months from now. Not now. Besides, for all Hiroki knows, he might stop existing long before something like that might happen.
Right now, there's Ziggy-
Yours, Hiroki thinks loudly, now nipping gently at Ziggy's neck. No matter what. Call me, and I'll be here with you. Anytime.
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Date: 2020-09-26 10:41 am (UTC)There's a roughness he's craving, to be taken and claimed and owned. Ziggy doesn't know why he's feeling it but he's desperate for it. He wants Hiroki to ... well he doesn't really know because there are only raging emotions and little thought.
His whole spirit is tangling up with Hiroki's, filling in and healing the cracks it finds, twisting their essences into a tighter bond. He will be the tether for his lover, the energy that sustains him if he must. Especially if recharging his lover means hours of mind blowing sex, cuddling and otherwise just indulging in the other's company.
I've loved you .. maybe since I met you Ziggy didn't exactly believe in love at first sight but if it did exist, Hiroki was the closest he ever got to it.
And those little love bites, Ziggy moans as his neck arches to make it easier.
I'm yours.. here.. in the real world.. anywhere. He mumbles the words between gasped breaths. THis isn't going to last long. He feels light headed from the sex and the emotions and the connection.
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Date: 2020-09-27 01:04 pm (UTC)Hiroki's overwhelmed by now, but he'll try, so that Ziggy never doubts his passion. He'll--
I believe you, Princess.
I want you to remember, I love you. I cherish you, and I-- if anybody ever attacks you again, like they did in your home Reality, I'll protect you with my life. That's a promise. I will, Ziggy.
He's dazed now, close to losing consciousness, which, over here, means that the bond between Atlas and the pilot (Ziggy) is weakening slightly, temporarily, right now, and so, soon, as part of all that, Hiroki might drift away deeper into Atlas's infinite Quintessence in order to rest. It's just-- apparently White was right, Hiroki is overexerting himself, a little-- so he might disappear for a bit, deeper inside, unless Ziggy just tethers him here calmly, without much more activity on the clone's spirit's part now. Because the bond with Atlas isn't the only bond between the two of them, and so-- he might yet stay here awhile, if Ziggy... yeah.
Ziggy--I'm yours...
Yes, it sounds... right. He's still free, so it's not wrong. It's not something to avoid, even though he had avoided it, at first, because of her.
But no, it's different with Ziggy. He can give himself to Ziggy and still have his own full freedom. He can feel that, now. This is right, for him. Yeah...
Yours...
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Date: 2020-09-27 02:13 pm (UTC)I.... Ziggy starts but the sleepiness and nervousness stifles the words at first. Though, soon they come back, quiet and drowsy. I'm yours. You.. you should ask me.
Not at this moment per say but Ziggy was feeling it distinctly. There was a yes lingering in there among the other thoughts. This was his lover, his partner. He wanted the others who found their way to his bed to know he was taken and happy. He wanted...
All he can do is hold Hiroki as he relaxes and though tired is still feeding energy into his partner. I love you. I love exactly what you are... and loved you even when you didn't know who you are."
He mumbles it happily before cuddling up to sleep. Even if Hiroki disappears he needs to sleep before he can wake up in the real world. He needs to rest.
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Date: 2020-09-27 02:42 pm (UTC)There's a screen next to him now, and on it is written, I'll ask. Soon. I love you forever.
H.Sh.
Allura comes in through the door which leads to Atlas's corridor. She's blushing a little, and smiling in such a way, it's obvious she's stopping herself from giggling.
"I'm not interrupting any intimate conversation, am I? I only wanted to ask you, Ziggy Stardust, if you're in a need of a meal."
"I can also wormhole us somewhere, if there's anyplace you'd like to go to. You might not know that yet, but only Altean Alchemists can create wormholes in these Realities."
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Date: 2020-09-27 03:40 pm (UTC)"I don't want anything." There's bite to his voice and sorrow. "Leave me alone."
He turns away from her to stare out into the distance. He can feel the happiness lingering on her and it makes his hurt seem all the more sharp. Instead of paying attention to Allura he asks the Atlas, remembering to think in pictures as much as possible, to take him to whatever Hiroki's favorite part of this universe is. He wants to see that right now.. or rather it gets him closer to what he wants anyway.
He looks back to the screen and types in it. "I'll be here when you wake. I'll always be here when you return."
Then he only wants to fold up in his sadness like someone would curl up in a blanket on a cold night. He wants to wrap himself in it, drown in it for awhile.