Ziggy Stardust (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ziggyplayedguitar) wrote2020-12-13 07:09 pm
ziggyplayedguitar) wrote2020-12-13 07:09 pm
Entry tags:
Cost of Conflict
They had been in contact on and off since Hiroki left. It wasn't direct messages but typed things or words, mostly from Allura, to Ziggy from the Atlas. He hated hearing about the war and the devastation. It made him feel heart sick and he did his best to hide the depression that was sneaking in. He finally understood what Tommy meant when he said that living among humans, even on the periphery, caused madness. This was it, right now. The worry and the constant sense of foreboding that started to hang over him as the weeks dragged on. He isolated himself, paced the floors and couldn't concentrate. Every passing hour made it feel worse.
Eventually, Tommy came to him with the same sense eating away at his mind. Tommy and Ziggy were polar opposites, like yin and yang but something they did share was the burden of seeing the future. Nothing was clear for either of them but they sat together in a quiet room under the weight of a creeping doom. They didn't eat or drink for days, nor speak. Then the urge to move came for both of them.
They walked in silence out to the depressions in the ground where the ATLAS had stood before it departed. The two staring into the sky. This was the place that the pain lingered and the foreboding felt the strongest. Nothing was clear. It all felt like a thick, black wall had come down somewhere with some horror behind it but the Antheans could neither see the wall nor what lay behind it. They knew it was there.
Tommy's eyes narrowed at the clouds as he concentrated. “The portal....”
“What portal?” Ziggy came up beside and tried to stare in the same direction. He saw nothing but the doomed feeling was starting to constrict on his heart. “The ATLAS?”
His sense of the future was not as in tune as Tommy. Ziggy was just a baby by comparison with weak legs like a toddler taking his first steps beside a marathon runner with perfect grace. He suddenly gripped onto Tommy's arm so hard that the other Anthean's attention finally came to him and away from the sky.
“It's gone.” He stated with his usual emotionally flat tone. “There's no passage anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Ziggy's voice came out shrill because, despite the fact his mind hadn't caught up, his senses and heart knew exactly what it meant. Knew and wouldn't... refused to believe.
“There's no way for them to return.” Tommy stared at the boy and his pleading eyes but there was nothing he could do. “The Nexus must have shifted or the Witch?... Yes, maybe her.”
An eternity felt like it passed while he stared at Tommy. His insides felt hollow and filled to bursting at the same time. It was a crushing, manic feeling rising up inside of him. “NO!” He screamed it at Tommy, in Anthean and high as his alien voice could go.
The pitch was enough to cause the elder Anthean to shake his head at the jabbing pain it caused his eardrums. The child was going to break again. The little pieces were already coming apart and tumbling away like the tears welling up in his eyes. Tommy did the only thing he could. He called to Tom so he could collect his child. He hadn't been here with the family yet when the young man died but it left Tommy wondering if dead was better or worse than alive but permanently out of reach. He had wondered that enough about his own wife when he was trapped on Earth and he felt like she was dead or had hope she was alive. Sometimes he felt both at the same time. Though Tommy rarely felt anything anymore, in this moment he felt pity for the child clinging to him desperately, still screaming no over and over again.
His eyes turned away when he heard the car. Heard it long before he could see it and sensed the worry on the man driving it. There were no comforting words in this moment, not for anyone in the family. It was a loss and people couldn't be replaced. You couldn't fly off to a new planet and find peace when things were destroyed. That was what made people unique and impossibly dangerous. They could not be substituted or replaced.
Tommy pulled away as Tom came to their side. A human could deal with this more than Tommy could. The emotional connections would be there. Emotions he couldn't convey or share, though inside he felt them like pins in his own heart. Tom gave him a pleading look and all he could do was shake his head. His mind was strong but he didn't have the power to see across the distance without the portal. He couldn't contact them.
Ziggy had collapsed to the ground by now. The gold and red that decorated his face streaked and smudged together. Drips of color hit and spread on the human's pant legs as he cradled the boy in a way he probably hadn't since he was still pouch bound. Eventually, even Tommy was moved by the familial bond and sat down beside them to stroke the child's hair. It was tragic but Tommy knew he would survive.
Tom not only looked helpless but his emotions were in disarray. Worry and panic pulling at him. Tommy could see the images in the human's mind of finding him before, overdosing and trying to die. Antheans were resilient. To see how far loss at pushed him, how close to death he had gone before, was a worthwhile concern.
“We should go home.” Tommy told him plainly. “He and I experienced visions of this place. Staying here will only continue to worsen his condition.”
“He's going to need others if he's to survive.” Antheans had not experienced death until the war, at least not in any memorable sense of time. This was one thing that they learned quickly. When a mate died the other would follow if no one was there. It was true of all bonds, even arranged marriages without love. One would be followed by the other. He wondered why that hadn't happened to him when he saw his wife dead in his visions. It was the only thing that made him question if it was a true vision or some horrible reality his stressed mind had produced. Either way, Ziggy would need support to pull through the loss. The mental bond was there and that would take the longest to heal. He might never stop reaching out for the human's mind, for his mates mind. It might drive him mad searching for it. Tommy found himself falling into an even more chaotic worry than the human had.
Tom nodded and picked Ziggy up. He walked away without a word. The human knew that Tommy would prefer to walk.
Walk he did. Tommy came to the house an hour after the incident and there was a wall of despair around the place. It felt like digging through damp soil to enter the house. Once the glass door opened the Anthean wailing hit his ears. The high death knell of their pain that was so rarely heard. Tommy had cried one out when he missed his people and found himself losing his mind. The unbearable loneliness. Each shriek seemed to be louder than the last. There was nothing to be done. He would have to exhaust himself and might wake to start this all over again.
He didn't head into the back room where the screams of pain emanated. Tom and Aletayria were already by his side. None of them were going to be the right one to end the cries. They would all have to wait. Tommy instead went to Ziggy's pinpoint and sent out messages to those closest to the child. Maybe one of them could bring the pain under control, maybe all of them together? Tommy couldn't be sure but his own senses were already fraying under the onslaught. All he could do was sit on the chair in the living room and stare blankly at the outside while the sounds rolled over him like tidal waves.
Eventually, Tommy came to him with the same sense eating away at his mind. Tommy and Ziggy were polar opposites, like yin and yang but something they did share was the burden of seeing the future. Nothing was clear for either of them but they sat together in a quiet room under the weight of a creeping doom. They didn't eat or drink for days, nor speak. Then the urge to move came for both of them.
They walked in silence out to the depressions in the ground where the ATLAS had stood before it departed. The two staring into the sky. This was the place that the pain lingered and the foreboding felt the strongest. Nothing was clear. It all felt like a thick, black wall had come down somewhere with some horror behind it but the Antheans could neither see the wall nor what lay behind it. They knew it was there.
Tommy's eyes narrowed at the clouds as he concentrated. “The portal....”
“What portal?” Ziggy came up beside and tried to stare in the same direction. He saw nothing but the doomed feeling was starting to constrict on his heart. “The ATLAS?”
His sense of the future was not as in tune as Tommy. Ziggy was just a baby by comparison with weak legs like a toddler taking his first steps beside a marathon runner with perfect grace. He suddenly gripped onto Tommy's arm so hard that the other Anthean's attention finally came to him and away from the sky.
“It's gone.” He stated with his usual emotionally flat tone. “There's no passage anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Ziggy's voice came out shrill because, despite the fact his mind hadn't caught up, his senses and heart knew exactly what it meant. Knew and wouldn't... refused to believe.
“There's no way for them to return.” Tommy stared at the boy and his pleading eyes but there was nothing he could do. “The Nexus must have shifted or the Witch?... Yes, maybe her.”
An eternity felt like it passed while he stared at Tommy. His insides felt hollow and filled to bursting at the same time. It was a crushing, manic feeling rising up inside of him. “NO!” He screamed it at Tommy, in Anthean and high as his alien voice could go.
The pitch was enough to cause the elder Anthean to shake his head at the jabbing pain it caused his eardrums. The child was going to break again. The little pieces were already coming apart and tumbling away like the tears welling up in his eyes. Tommy did the only thing he could. He called to Tom so he could collect his child. He hadn't been here with the family yet when the young man died but it left Tommy wondering if dead was better or worse than alive but permanently out of reach. He had wondered that enough about his own wife when he was trapped on Earth and he felt like she was dead or had hope she was alive. Sometimes he felt both at the same time. Though Tommy rarely felt anything anymore, in this moment he felt pity for the child clinging to him desperately, still screaming no over and over again.
His eyes turned away when he heard the car. Heard it long before he could see it and sensed the worry on the man driving it. There were no comforting words in this moment, not for anyone in the family. It was a loss and people couldn't be replaced. You couldn't fly off to a new planet and find peace when things were destroyed. That was what made people unique and impossibly dangerous. They could not be substituted or replaced.
Tommy pulled away as Tom came to their side. A human could deal with this more than Tommy could. The emotional connections would be there. Emotions he couldn't convey or share, though inside he felt them like pins in his own heart. Tom gave him a pleading look and all he could do was shake his head. His mind was strong but he didn't have the power to see across the distance without the portal. He couldn't contact them.
Ziggy had collapsed to the ground by now. The gold and red that decorated his face streaked and smudged together. Drips of color hit and spread on the human's pant legs as he cradled the boy in a way he probably hadn't since he was still pouch bound. Eventually, even Tommy was moved by the familial bond and sat down beside them to stroke the child's hair. It was tragic but Tommy knew he would survive.
Tom not only looked helpless but his emotions were in disarray. Worry and panic pulling at him. Tommy could see the images in the human's mind of finding him before, overdosing and trying to die. Antheans were resilient. To see how far loss at pushed him, how close to death he had gone before, was a worthwhile concern.
“We should go home.” Tommy told him plainly. “He and I experienced visions of this place. Staying here will only continue to worsen his condition.”
“He's going to need others if he's to survive.” Antheans had not experienced death until the war, at least not in any memorable sense of time. This was one thing that they learned quickly. When a mate died the other would follow if no one was there. It was true of all bonds, even arranged marriages without love. One would be followed by the other. He wondered why that hadn't happened to him when he saw his wife dead in his visions. It was the only thing that made him question if it was a true vision or some horrible reality his stressed mind had produced. Either way, Ziggy would need support to pull through the loss. The mental bond was there and that would take the longest to heal. He might never stop reaching out for the human's mind, for his mates mind. It might drive him mad searching for it. Tommy found himself falling into an even more chaotic worry than the human had.
Tom nodded and picked Ziggy up. He walked away without a word. The human knew that Tommy would prefer to walk.
Walk he did. Tommy came to the house an hour after the incident and there was a wall of despair around the place. It felt like digging through damp soil to enter the house. Once the glass door opened the Anthean wailing hit his ears. The high death knell of their pain that was so rarely heard. Tommy had cried one out when he missed his people and found himself losing his mind. The unbearable loneliness. Each shriek seemed to be louder than the last. There was nothing to be done. He would have to exhaust himself and might wake to start this all over again.
He didn't head into the back room where the screams of pain emanated. Tom and Aletayria were already by his side. None of them were going to be the right one to end the cries. They would all have to wait. Tommy instead went to Ziggy's pinpoint and sent out messages to those closest to the child. Maybe one of them could bring the pain under control, maybe all of them together? Tommy couldn't be sure but his own senses were already fraying under the onslaught. All he could do was sit on the chair in the living room and stare blankly at the outside while the sounds rolled over him like tidal waves.
no subject
Words don't come back but intense affection; loving, sensual and sexual, though that last part is more curious than intense like the others.
"I've liked you for a long time." He adds after the emotional contact. Like also wasn't the exact word but the emotions could fill in that space on their own.
no subject
For a moment, he lets his mind wander, entertaining the idea of Antheans and Arraka'arans making some kind of diplomatic alliance, something that would enable him to host Ziggy and his family on his own world. But he has no idea how to do that.
He shivers at the feel of the emotions. It's more affection than he's used to feeling directed at him, and Ziggy may get the sense that Rondo is a little bewildered by it. He's capable of reflecting it back, though, with no loss in intensity, just colored with confusion and inexperience. "I don't get why you like me, but I'm happy you do."
He thinks of Ziggy as bright and colorful and intense, like fireworks, and Rondo himself is much more awkward and uncertain. Eager, but nerdy, and highly prone to second-guessing himself. But he's also inherently kind, with a huge capacity to love that he's had too few outlets for.
He huffs a breath out against Ziggy's shoulder and nuzzles into the crook of his neck for a moment. He opens up his mental shields a little further, and the echoes of Ziggy's sensuality reverberate. Rondo is quite shy, sexually speaking, but fondness and sheer appreciation for how beautiful Ziggy is are impossible to ignore. In fact, he's a little concerned that lying in bed this close to him coupled with the telepathic contact will result in his sexual interest becoming, um, noticeable. And it's not the best time for that!
no subject
Unless he's told to stop. He is inherently passionate and loud but he values individuality in all the shades it comes in. He'd never muddle someone else's space or brilliance for his own benefit.
The natural response to a mind opening is letting down some of his own floodgates. Ziggy is full of color.. everything from the deep blacks of his depression and pain to the golden teal that is his spiritual thought. However, one thing is loud in his presence, aside from love, hope. Ziggy is an embodiment of hope for himself, for the people he belongs to, for the future. It is why he embarked on the journey he did to save both species he belongs to.
As he lays there, eyes closed, the now smudge golden enso on his forehead starts to glow, or rather the skin behind it. It isn't his skin producing light but his spiritual self so close to the surface as he relaxes with someone he trusts. The exhaustion from emotional strain allowing it to surface more easily.
His arms wrap a little tighter as he groans from the nuzzling. The craving for contact even more obvious with the elf able to feel it as well as notice the physical manifestations of it. Truth is he probably wouldn't be bothered by sexual reactions if they happened. Ziggy's own openness toward all forms of sexuality and love make him tolerant, permissive, even if it is an inconvenient moment for them.
no subject
The rush of color and presence fills Rondo's mind, and for a moment he's startled, but then he just accepts it, and once he does it feels perfectly normal. He's at peace; there is something in Rondo's deeper nature that is quietly observant, without judgment, and just pleased to see and feel positive emotions and change around it. A note of hope is a welcome thing.
Rondo is not about to do anything in bed that feels like taking advantage of Ziggy in a vulnerable mental state. The way he responds makes it feel like it's okay to desire him, though, so he stops fighting it and just lets it be what it is, with the acknowledgement that they're going to need a proverbial rain check on anything more than kissing and snuggling for now. "I'm so sorry you're hurt...and I wish you weren't, more than anything, but I'm glad we have this now..." he sends.
no subject
"I would now or in the future." Resignation clear in the words. Ziggy knew, always, that he would out live his partners but it wasn't a solid thing until now. He pulls Rondo in, wrapping carefully around him. In the calm is worry and a desire to protect and cling. It isn't a strong emotion but a part of the ebb and flow of his mind. 'I like holding you.' comes through as a state of feeling instead of words.
no subject
It's too much to think about all at once. Besides, what matters is now, here, together.
"I'm not used to this. But I like it, too." He kisses his chin lightly. "I'll stay until you wake up again."
He may not stay awake, but he'll stay.