Cost of Conflict

[ziggyplayedguitar]

They had been in contact on and off since Hiroki left. It wasn't direct messages but typed things or words, mostly from Allura, to Ziggy from the Atlas. He hated hearing about the war and the devastation. It made him feel heart sick and he did his best to hide the depression that was sneaking in. He finally understood what Tommy meant when he said that living among humans, even on the periphery, caused madness. This was it, right now. The worry and the constant sense of foreboding that started to hang over him as the weeks dragged on. He isolated himself, paced the floors and couldn't concentrate. Every passing hour made it feel worse.

Eventually, Tommy came to him with the same sense eating away at his mind. Tommy and Ziggy were polar opposites, like yin and yang but something they did share was the burden of seeing the future. Nothing was clear for either of them but they sat together in a quiet room under the weight of a creeping doom. They didn't eat or drink for days, nor speak. Then the urge to move came for both of them.

They walked in silence out to the depressions in the ground where the ATLAS had stood before it departed. The two staring into the sky. This was the place that the pain lingered and the foreboding felt the strongest. Nothing was clear. It all felt like a thick, black wall had come down somewhere with some horror behind it but the Antheans could neither see the wall nor what lay behind it. They knew it was there.

Tommy's eyes narrowed at the clouds as he concentrated. “The portal....”

“What portal?” Ziggy came up beside and tried to stare in the same direction. He saw nothing but the doomed feeling was starting to constrict on his heart. “The ATLAS?”

His sense of the future was not as in tune as Tommy. Ziggy was just a baby by comparison with weak legs like a toddler taking his first steps beside a marathon runner with perfect grace. He suddenly gripped onto Tommy's arm so hard that the other Anthean's attention finally came to him and away from the sky.

“It's gone.” He stated with his usual emotionally flat tone. “There's no passage anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Ziggy's voice came out shrill because, despite the fact his mind hadn't caught up, his senses and heart knew exactly what it meant. Knew and wouldn't... refused to believe.

“There's no way for them to return.” Tommy stared at the boy and his pleading eyes but there was nothing he could do. “The Nexus must have shifted or the Witch?... Yes, maybe her.”

An eternity felt like it passed while he stared at Tommy. His insides felt hollow and filled to bursting at the same time. It was a crushing, manic feeling rising up inside of him. “NO!” He screamed it at Tommy, in Anthean and high as his alien voice could go.

The pitch was enough to cause the elder Anthean to shake his head at the jabbing pain it caused his eardrums. The child was going to break again. The little pieces were already coming apart and tumbling away like the tears welling up in his eyes. Tommy did the only thing he could. He called to Tom so he could collect his child. He hadn't been here with the family yet when the young man died but it left Tommy wondering if dead was better or worse than alive but permanently out of reach. He had wondered that enough about his own wife when he was trapped on Earth and he felt like she was dead or had hope she was alive. Sometimes he felt both at the same time. Though Tommy rarely felt anything anymore, in this moment he felt pity for the child clinging to him desperately, still screaming no over and over again.

His eyes turned away when he heard the car. Heard it long before he could see it and sensed the worry on the man driving it. There were no comforting words in this moment, not for anyone in the family. It was a loss and people couldn't be replaced. You couldn't fly off to a new planet and find peace when things were destroyed. That was what made people unique and impossibly dangerous. They could not be substituted or replaced.

Tommy pulled away as Tom came to their side. A human could deal with this more than Tommy could. The emotional connections would be there. Emotions he couldn't convey or share, though inside he felt them like pins in his own heart. Tom gave him a pleading look and all he could do was shake his head. His mind was strong but he didn't have the power to see across the distance without the portal. He couldn't contact them.

Ziggy had collapsed to the ground by now. The gold and red that decorated his face streaked and smudged together. Drips of color hit and spread on the human's pant legs as he cradled the boy in a way he probably hadn't since he was still pouch bound. Eventually, even Tommy was moved by the familial bond and sat down beside them to stroke the child's hair. It was tragic but Tommy knew he would survive.

Tom not only looked helpless but his emotions were in disarray. Worry and panic pulling at him. Tommy could see the images in the human's mind of finding him before, overdosing and trying to die. Antheans were resilient. To see how far loss at pushed him, how close to death he had gone before, was a worthwhile concern.

“We should go home.” Tommy told him plainly. “He and I experienced visions of this place. Staying here will only continue to worsen his condition.”

“He's going to need others if he's to survive.” Antheans had not experienced death until the war, at least not in any memorable sense of time. This was one thing that they learned quickly. When a mate died the other would follow if no one was there. It was true of all bonds, even arranged marriages without love. One would be followed by the other. He wondered why that hadn't happened to him when he saw his wife dead in his visions. It was the only thing that made him question if it was a true vision or some horrible reality his stressed mind had produced. Either way, Ziggy would need support to pull through the loss. The mental bond was there and that would take the longest to heal. He might never stop reaching out for the human's mind, for his mates mind. It might drive him mad searching for it. Tommy found himself falling into an even more chaotic worry than the human had.

Tom nodded and picked Ziggy up. He walked away without a word. The human knew that Tommy would prefer to walk.

Walk he did. Tommy came to the house an hour after the incident and there was a wall of despair around the place. It felt like digging through damp soil to enter the house. Once the glass door opened the Anthean wailing hit his ears. The high death knell of their pain that was so rarely heard. Tommy had cried one out when he missed his people and found himself losing his mind. The unbearable loneliness. Each shriek seemed to be louder than the last. There was nothing to be done. He would have to exhaust himself and might wake to start this all over again.

He didn't head into the back room where the screams of pain emanated. Tom and Aletayria were already by his side. None of them were going to be the right one to end the cries. They would all have to wait. Tommy instead went to Ziggy's pinpoint and sent out messages to those closest to the child. Maybe one of them could bring the pain under control, maybe all of them together? Tommy couldn't be sure but his own senses were already fraying under the onslaught. All he could do was sit on the chair in the living room and stare blankly at the outside while the sounds rolled over him like tidal waves.

Comments

[itmeanstruth]

Minoru got the message while he was on shift at the hospital. Fortunately, that was a place that understood the concept of family emergencies. Even though Ziggy wasn't technically family, he was still one of Minoru's closest friends here. And after what happened last time...

No. That was not going to happen again.

He clocked out and bolted to Tom and Aletayria's place. Still in his scrubs, literally catching his breath, he knocked on the door.

[iamjustvisiting]

The house, most of it anyway, is glass. The motion on the front walk catches his attention. He knows who it is immediately and stands slowly to go to the door. The screaming hasn't abated, but at least it hasn't gotten any louder. Tommy figures they've hit the upper range of Ziggy's voice at this point. It felt like his ears were going to bleed and he wondered if the human could feel the weight on the place.

He's impassive though when he opens the door despite all the wailing. "Hello, Minoru." He says it as if nothing is happening because he is honestly trying to blot it out himself. This is all too close to home.

He does fish in his jacket pocket for a moment before holding out a pair of brightly colored, foam earplugs. Any human stepping in here, especially one unused to Anthean voices was going to need them.

[itmeanstruth]

With his heart hammering in his chest, it was hard to feel the weight of Ziggy’s grief on the house itself. But as soon as he started to catch his breath, it was palpable. (Not completely overwhelming like the concert, more like the pain he’d felt before... but much, much louder.)

Minoru gulped.

When the door opened, he heard the shrill cry. He instinctively tucked his head down, as if that would help. When Tommy produced a set of earplugs, he didn’t waste a moment putting them in.

“I was going to ask if it was really true... if Hiroki is really gone... but...” his voice trailed off. There was clearly no need for that icebreaker. It was painfully obvious. “Oh, Ziggy...”

[iamjustvisiting]

"I have reason to believe the witch may have sealed their portal here to keep them from gaining reinforcements against her." Or she destroyed the universe, which Tommy didn't think bears mentioning at this point because that suggests death. No one needs that on their minds now.

"He is inconsolable. Tom is with him." Tommy steps aside in case the young man wants to come in. "He will exhaust himself soon though."

[itmeanstruth]

Minoru stepped inside. Even through the earplugs, he could hear the shrill Anthean cries.

Hearing them brought out a sad kind of relief for Minoru. Ziggy wasn’t alone, unconscious, surrounded by empty bottles of gin. He was instead surrounded by people that cared about him, and could help him through the seemingly impossible grieving process. Together, all of them would make it through.

He looked back at Tommy with sympathetic eyes.

“How are you holding up?” He asked the other Anthean. “You can feel this on a whole other level than I can...”

[iamjustvisiting]

He instantly looks away because the memories these sounds are dredging up are not pleasant ones.

"My ears hurt." He offers as something but doesn't want to talk about his feelings or thoughts. "When an Anthean is at this point in grief everyone will feel it. If it gets to be too much you can step away. There are others here."

Aletayria had stepped away already but would probably return soon. They all might need to because the infamous Anthean stamina that keeps them constantly awake also means this screaming is going to go on long past when a human would be exhausted.

[itmeanstruth]

One also didn’t need to be an Anthean to feel Tommy’s resistance to broach the topic. Minoru didn’t push, but he did offer to listen, if at any point, he wanted to talk.

“...noted.” He nodded hesitantly.

He felt the sad ache in his heart. But so far, he didn’t feel high (or low), like at the concert, but he wasn’t in close proximity yet either. He didn’t have Hermione’s potion on him, so he’d just have to rely on his own mind this time - for however long that lasted.

“Is it okay if I...?” His voice trailed off as he nodded in the direction of the wailing.

PINPoint message to Major Tom:

[soundwave_ascendant]

What just happened?

I'm getting spillover from your household and this place is also in chaos because Glit's adopted son literally dematerialised right out of his arms while he and Clobber and Lotor were watching HV.

Glit is understandably hysterical. Anything you can tell us would be appreciated. Do we need to consolidate everyone? If so, here or there?

[hellomajortom]

It takes some time for Tom to respond, partially because of the screaming and partially because the name Lotor seems familiar but currently his mind is too frayed to remember. He has to ask Aletayria about it and wonder if it is the same Lotor, and call Tommy in to confirm his suspicions.

One of the portals to another Universe shut. The universe Ziggy's fiance is from. It's chaotic here because Ziggy is out of control. You're probably feeling it.

There's a pause in text before more comes.

Thomas thinks the child may be from the same place. You can come here but Aletayria says you should seal up your mind as best you can if you do.

[soundwave_ascendant]

Glit is also out of control, so I've already got the processor ache. I could lock myself in our shielded bedroom, but Glit is Ravage's brother, and that would be unhelpful.

Ravage is dosing Glit with energon wine that he has put some kind of plant matter into. I don't look forward to telling him that the child has been snapped back home, because Glit literally kidnapped him and had me write him up as a Decepticon asylee due to his parents' abuse of him.

Do you think putting Glit and Ziggy together would be helpful for them or the opposite?

[hellomajortom]

I don't envy your position at all.

Honestly, I don't know. I suppose if Glit vents pain by howling they could at least scream together. We're trying to get Ziggy to take something to bring him down but as of yet he's just throwing anything we try to give him.

[soundwave_ascendant]

There has definitely been caterwauling, because Glit is a cybercat--a cougaraider, to be exact. Glit is a cassetticon, so he's smaller than Ravage, but that does not mean that he cannot make lots of noise.

Are your family's ears up to this punishment?

[hellomajortom]

It can't be any worse than the noise already. Are your ears ready for this?

This text comes with a short recording of some godawful wailing at a pitch right at the high end of human hearing, and a little beyond, and so loud it makes the mic recording it get fuzzy. Tom felt this was better than explanation.

[chiaro_oscuro]

Ben isn't as close as some to Ziggy's family, but nevertheless he thinks of himself as a family friend and he is concerned for his friend's well-being. He's startled when he receives the message, and processes it so quickly that he's not even in his winter clothes. The animals are startled, Morrigan flying to her familiar perch on his shoulder.

So he PINpoints his way over from his home as quickly as possible, Morrigan accompanying him. He's familiar with death - it's been his companion long enough - and while he's not used to offering comfort he's going to screw his courage to the sticking place and try.

"What's going on? I got the message, and I can feel what's going on from here. Is Ziggy safe?"

[sordiddetails]

Aletayria would consider the young man a family friend. He was so invested in helping them stay safe that she couldn't imagine otherwise.

When Ben materializes outside Aletayria is on the porch. Tom had sent her away to get a break from the overwhelming emotions.

"The portal has closed." She tells Ben as calmly as she can but her usual placid nature is slightly frayed around the edges. "Safe but hurting. It is not the kind of hurt we can fight but I am sure he would be happy to see you when he is a little calmer. Tom and Thomas are with him."

[chiaro_oscuro]

Ben thinks about the portal for a moment before everything snaps together. It must involve Hiroki. He's never heard of something like this happening before.

"The portal?" Ben's startled. "So...Hiroki's gone? I'm sorry for Ziggy. The only remotely good thing about this is that the threat of Honerva is gone, but that's nowhere near the biggest concern right now. I'll come to see Ziggy when he's ready to visit me."

Coming in early might be a bad idea. Because of the nature of his powers, Ben is also sensitive to others' emotions and he doesn't have a great idea of how his powers intersect with the Antheans'.

[sordiddetails]

"Yes." She nods solemnly. "He has never been good with separation."

To describe Ziggy as someone with separation anxiety would be an understatement.

"You appear as ill effected as I am. Would you like to take a walk together?" She offers. "If not, I will be sure someone contacts you when he is less... manic."

[chiaro_oscuro]

"I'll take you up on that offer. I can feel his pain in my head - it's difficult to shut out."

Ben has some control over what he hears and what he doesn't, but Ziggy's emotions have pierced his own. Ben probably does look a little ill.

"So...Hiroki's gone? The portal closed? That's what it sounds like."

[sordiddetails]

"That was why I had to step away. The emotions were upsetting the baby."

She offers Ben her hand as she moves to step off the porch. It is purely for platonic comfort given the look he has.

"Thomas says he can't sense it any longer." She agrees. "Thomas and Ziggy both have the ability to see things before they happen. They've both had a sense of dread for days but this wasn't what I imagined was causing it."

[coffee_elf]

Tommy is possibly the last person Rondo ever expected to get a PINpoint message from. He flatters himself that he's on relatively friendly terms with him--as much as anyone is, short of family, it seems--but reaching out is surely something that only happens in a dire emergency.

He rereads the message twice, and realize this is a dire emergency.

Not coming is not an option, but it takes him over an hour to scrape up an excuse to get him out of classes and bribe his dorm-mates into covering for his absence, but once that's managed and he's packed an overnight bag, he comes to Ziggy's place posthaste. The wall of grief hits him at once, and he actually has to retreat for a moment to create noise-dampening shields for himself and the two hatchling serpents he carries in his pockets.

This is going to be awful and he has no experience with something like this. Already he's lost, but turning tail would be unbearably callous, so he steels himself and hastens inside. Two scaly little faces peep from his collar warily as he searches for Ziggy's physical location. His emotional location is everywhere.

[hellomajortom]

Tommy sees the young elf come in but doesn't impede his progress. The truth is that this is exhausting Tommy, both Ziggy's emotions and his own, but with Aletayria taking a break he doesn't feel right abandoning Tom with the child. Tom can hold his own but the potential for something coming up he is unprepared for is too high. Tommy will give him directions back to the spare room if he needs it though.

This room is usually Ziggy's room to play piano, and Tom to on occasion, though there is a bed and a few other things that suggest this room is an office, music room, and spare bedroom. It's decorated in teal and bright orange, which is very Anthean. Tom is on the bed looking exhausted after hours of screaming but he's still holding Ziggy. There's a bottle of gin there but they've had no luck getting him to drink any. Telltale by the smashed glass, glasses? against the one wall. Tom had given up and just let the wailing go on.

Ziggy has a death grip on his father with his face buried in the side of his suit jacket. Tom gives the elf a sympathetic and grateful look but with all the noise he's not even going to try and speak until Rondo is closer.

[coffee_elf]

This isn't enough, is Rondo's first worried thought. Three family members isn't enough; they're all going to be exhausted within hours. He knows he is far from Ziggy's only friend, and there will be others, but will even that be sufficient? He needs a hospital, but no human hospital would be safe for him.

At least he's in the Nexus. Thank whatever gods there might be for that. They wouldn't know what to do with this on Earth; he's sure of that.

He comes close, hesitant and afraid, but necessity makes him drop his wariness aside; he strengthens the shields around his little serpents, then climbs up to Ziggy's other side and leans into him, putting his arms around him.

"You're exhausted," he tells Tom. "How long has he been like this?"

And then: "Ziggy? It's Rondo. Can you hear me? I'm here, sweetheart."

[hellomajortom]

If Tom thought about a hospital right now he might have a heart attack. He's spent too long being fearful of them on Ziggy's behalf. What could they do that they aren't here? Maybe a soundproof room?

"The dread, a few days. The screaming, a few hours." Tom says quickly but there's relief in seeing someone else here to comfort Ziggy. There were others but they came and went as their health needed. Maybe Tom was just a glutton for punishment but it was more a father's reluctance to abandon an injured child.

Rondo's voice does cause a hiccup in the screaming. A moment of uneasy silence before another cry breaks. This one is quieter because he's exhausted and momentarily distracted by the presence with them. He lets go of Tom and lays down on the bed, feet in his father's lap, head in Rondo's and curled up into a tight and tiny, for his height, fetal ball. Hands over his head and the cries coming with sobs interspersed. Tom feels like it makes them louder now that there are soft sobs punctuated by deafening cries.

"It's more than heartache." He tells Rondo, assuming that Tommy told him something of what was happening like he had the others. "He has to break the mental and emotional bonding."

Tom had one of those with his wife and he couldn't imagine breaking it. He might lose his mind if someone tried.

[coffee_elf]

Having never been in a hospital himself, Rondo may be a bit ignorant in this area. Then again, there are mage's hospitals on Arraka'ar specifically for serious magical ailments that affect emotional health on this scale. But he's never been to one.

"I've never seen anything like this," he admits to Tom, but it says something about him that he's not fleeing. His ears are flat, expressive of his discomfort and worry, but when Ziggy rests his head in his lap, he doesn't hesitate to make space for him and run his fingers through his hair.

On some intuitive level, though, he understands what he means by breaking the mental bonding. Elves don't have the empathic abilities of Antheans, but magic makes it make more sense to him than it might to a human. He worries his lip and considers for a moment, then calls up his own magic, shaping a few soft little orbs of bluish light, which float over Ziggy and brush against him here and there, like fairy kisses. He's not sure how much he can do without harming the man's own natural mental and emotional processes--possibly he has to go through this the hard way--but at least maybe the brush of magic will feel like another person there. Maybe it will distract him a little, and maybe it will make him feel less alone.

[hellomajortom]

"I've only heard stories about it." Tom admits while laying his hands on his child's thigh. He's getting to tired to think or the noise had driven his thoughts out. "They're immortal and not made for loss."

It was a simplistic, but true, assessment of the problem. Tom watches the orb but he trusts the elf. This isn't the first time he's seen him around. To Ziggy whose eyes are pressed tightly shut as he tries to block out everything, the orb feels like other hands, more touch, which is relaxing. It would take time for him to be right again but he hasn't even made it to thoughts of recovery yet.

"Thank you for coming." Tom finally says. "There are others but no one seems to be able to stay long before they need a break." His eyes flicker to the booze bottle. "It sounds stupid but if we can get him to drink it will help. Gin helps them sleep and calms their emotions. He keeps refusing."

Tom looked at the pile of shattered glass, violently refusing, but maybe the elf would have better luck than they had so far.