Cost of Conflict
Dec. 13th, 2020 07:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ziggyplayedguitarThey had been in contact on and off since Hiroki left. It wasn't direct messages but typed things or words, mostly from Allura, to Ziggy from the Atlas. He hated hearing about the war and the devastation. It made him feel heart sick and he did his best to hide the depression that was sneaking in. He finally understood what Tommy meant when he said that living among humans, even on the periphery, caused madness. This was it, right now. The worry and the constant sense of foreboding that started to hang over him as the weeks dragged on. He isolated himself, paced the floors and couldn't concentrate. Every passing hour made it feel worse.
Eventually, Tommy came to him with the same sense eating away at his mind. Tommy and Ziggy were polar opposites, like yin and yang but something they did share was the burden of seeing the future. Nothing was clear for either of them but they sat together in a quiet room under the weight of a creeping doom. They didn't eat or drink for days, nor speak. Then the urge to move came for both of them.
They walked in silence out to the depressions in the ground where the ATLAS had stood before it departed. The two staring into the sky. This was the place that the pain lingered and the foreboding felt the strongest. Nothing was clear. It all felt like a thick, black wall had come down somewhere with some horror behind it but the Antheans could neither see the wall nor what lay behind it. They knew it was there.
Tommy's eyes narrowed at the clouds as he concentrated. “The portal....”
“What portal?” Ziggy came up beside and tried to stare in the same direction. He saw nothing but the doomed feeling was starting to constrict on his heart. “The ATLAS?”
His sense of the future was not as in tune as Tommy. Ziggy was just a baby by comparison with weak legs like a toddler taking his first steps beside a marathon runner with perfect grace. He suddenly gripped onto Tommy's arm so hard that the other Anthean's attention finally came to him and away from the sky.
“It's gone.” He stated with his usual emotionally flat tone. “There's no passage anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Ziggy's voice came out shrill because, despite the fact his mind hadn't caught up, his senses and heart knew exactly what it meant. Knew and wouldn't... refused to believe.
“There's no way for them to return.” Tommy stared at the boy and his pleading eyes but there was nothing he could do. “The Nexus must have shifted or the Witch?... Yes, maybe her.”
An eternity felt like it passed while he stared at Tommy. His insides felt hollow and filled to bursting at the same time. It was a crushing, manic feeling rising up inside of him. “NO!” He screamed it at Tommy, in Anthean and high as his alien voice could go.
The pitch was enough to cause the elder Anthean to shake his head at the jabbing pain it caused his eardrums. The child was going to break again. The little pieces were already coming apart and tumbling away like the tears welling up in his eyes. Tommy did the only thing he could. He called to Tom so he could collect his child. He hadn't been here with the family yet when the young man died but it left Tommy wondering if dead was better or worse than alive but permanently out of reach. He had wondered that enough about his own wife when he was trapped on Earth and he felt like she was dead or had hope she was alive. Sometimes he felt both at the same time. Though Tommy rarely felt anything anymore, in this moment he felt pity for the child clinging to him desperately, still screaming no over and over again.
His eyes turned away when he heard the car. Heard it long before he could see it and sensed the worry on the man driving it. There were no comforting words in this moment, not for anyone in the family. It was a loss and people couldn't be replaced. You couldn't fly off to a new planet and find peace when things were destroyed. That was what made people unique and impossibly dangerous. They could not be substituted or replaced.
Tommy pulled away as Tom came to their side. A human could deal with this more than Tommy could. The emotional connections would be there. Emotions he couldn't convey or share, though inside he felt them like pins in his own heart. Tom gave him a pleading look and all he could do was shake his head. His mind was strong but he didn't have the power to see across the distance without the portal. He couldn't contact them.
Ziggy had collapsed to the ground by now. The gold and red that decorated his face streaked and smudged together. Drips of color hit and spread on the human's pant legs as he cradled the boy in a way he probably hadn't since he was still pouch bound. Eventually, even Tommy was moved by the familial bond and sat down beside them to stroke the child's hair. It was tragic but Tommy knew he would survive.
Tom not only looked helpless but his emotions were in disarray. Worry and panic pulling at him. Tommy could see the images in the human's mind of finding him before, overdosing and trying to die. Antheans were resilient. To see how far loss at pushed him, how close to death he had gone before, was a worthwhile concern.
“We should go home.” Tommy told him plainly. “He and I experienced visions of this place. Staying here will only continue to worsen his condition.”
“He's going to need others if he's to survive.” Antheans had not experienced death until the war, at least not in any memorable sense of time. This was one thing that they learned quickly. When a mate died the other would follow if no one was there. It was true of all bonds, even arranged marriages without love. One would be followed by the other. He wondered why that hadn't happened to him when he saw his wife dead in his visions. It was the only thing that made him question if it was a true vision or some horrible reality his stressed mind had produced. Either way, Ziggy would need support to pull through the loss. The mental bond was there and that would take the longest to heal. He might never stop reaching out for the human's mind, for his mates mind. It might drive him mad searching for it. Tommy found himself falling into an even more chaotic worry than the human had.
Tom nodded and picked Ziggy up. He walked away without a word. The human knew that Tommy would prefer to walk.
Walk he did. Tommy came to the house an hour after the incident and there was a wall of despair around the place. It felt like digging through damp soil to enter the house. Once the glass door opened the Anthean wailing hit his ears. The high death knell of their pain that was so rarely heard. Tommy had cried one out when he missed his people and found himself losing his mind. The unbearable loneliness. Each shriek seemed to be louder than the last. There was nothing to be done. He would have to exhaust himself and might wake to start this all over again.
He didn't head into the back room where the screams of pain emanated. Tom and Aletayria were already by his side. None of them were going to be the right one to end the cries. They would all have to wait. Tommy instead went to Ziggy's pinpoint and sent out messages to those closest to the child. Maybe one of them could bring the pain under control, maybe all of them together? Tommy couldn't be sure but his own senses were already fraying under the onslaught. All he could do was sit on the chair in the living room and stare blankly at the outside while the sounds rolled over him like tidal waves.
Eventually, Tommy came to him with the same sense eating away at his mind. Tommy and Ziggy were polar opposites, like yin and yang but something they did share was the burden of seeing the future. Nothing was clear for either of them but they sat together in a quiet room under the weight of a creeping doom. They didn't eat or drink for days, nor speak. Then the urge to move came for both of them.
They walked in silence out to the depressions in the ground where the ATLAS had stood before it departed. The two staring into the sky. This was the place that the pain lingered and the foreboding felt the strongest. Nothing was clear. It all felt like a thick, black wall had come down somewhere with some horror behind it but the Antheans could neither see the wall nor what lay behind it. They knew it was there.
Tommy's eyes narrowed at the clouds as he concentrated. “The portal....”
“What portal?” Ziggy came up beside and tried to stare in the same direction. He saw nothing but the doomed feeling was starting to constrict on his heart. “The ATLAS?”
His sense of the future was not as in tune as Tommy. Ziggy was just a baby by comparison with weak legs like a toddler taking his first steps beside a marathon runner with perfect grace. He suddenly gripped onto Tommy's arm so hard that the other Anthean's attention finally came to him and away from the sky.
“It's gone.” He stated with his usual emotionally flat tone. “There's no passage anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Ziggy's voice came out shrill because, despite the fact his mind hadn't caught up, his senses and heart knew exactly what it meant. Knew and wouldn't... refused to believe.
“There's no way for them to return.” Tommy stared at the boy and his pleading eyes but there was nothing he could do. “The Nexus must have shifted or the Witch?... Yes, maybe her.”
An eternity felt like it passed while he stared at Tommy. His insides felt hollow and filled to bursting at the same time. It was a crushing, manic feeling rising up inside of him. “NO!” He screamed it at Tommy, in Anthean and high as his alien voice could go.
The pitch was enough to cause the elder Anthean to shake his head at the jabbing pain it caused his eardrums. The child was going to break again. The little pieces were already coming apart and tumbling away like the tears welling up in his eyes. Tommy did the only thing he could. He called to Tom so he could collect his child. He hadn't been here with the family yet when the young man died but it left Tommy wondering if dead was better or worse than alive but permanently out of reach. He had wondered that enough about his own wife when he was trapped on Earth and he felt like she was dead or had hope she was alive. Sometimes he felt both at the same time. Though Tommy rarely felt anything anymore, in this moment he felt pity for the child clinging to him desperately, still screaming no over and over again.
His eyes turned away when he heard the car. Heard it long before he could see it and sensed the worry on the man driving it. There were no comforting words in this moment, not for anyone in the family. It was a loss and people couldn't be replaced. You couldn't fly off to a new planet and find peace when things were destroyed. That was what made people unique and impossibly dangerous. They could not be substituted or replaced.
Tommy pulled away as Tom came to their side. A human could deal with this more than Tommy could. The emotional connections would be there. Emotions he couldn't convey or share, though inside he felt them like pins in his own heart. Tom gave him a pleading look and all he could do was shake his head. His mind was strong but he didn't have the power to see across the distance without the portal. He couldn't contact them.
Ziggy had collapsed to the ground by now. The gold and red that decorated his face streaked and smudged together. Drips of color hit and spread on the human's pant legs as he cradled the boy in a way he probably hadn't since he was still pouch bound. Eventually, even Tommy was moved by the familial bond and sat down beside them to stroke the child's hair. It was tragic but Tommy knew he would survive.
Tom not only looked helpless but his emotions were in disarray. Worry and panic pulling at him. Tommy could see the images in the human's mind of finding him before, overdosing and trying to die. Antheans were resilient. To see how far loss at pushed him, how close to death he had gone before, was a worthwhile concern.
“We should go home.” Tommy told him plainly. “He and I experienced visions of this place. Staying here will only continue to worsen his condition.”
“He's going to need others if he's to survive.” Antheans had not experienced death until the war, at least not in any memorable sense of time. This was one thing that they learned quickly. When a mate died the other would follow if no one was there. It was true of all bonds, even arranged marriages without love. One would be followed by the other. He wondered why that hadn't happened to him when he saw his wife dead in his visions. It was the only thing that made him question if it was a true vision or some horrible reality his stressed mind had produced. Either way, Ziggy would need support to pull through the loss. The mental bond was there and that would take the longest to heal. He might never stop reaching out for the human's mind, for his mates mind. It might drive him mad searching for it. Tommy found himself falling into an even more chaotic worry than the human had.
Tom nodded and picked Ziggy up. He walked away without a word. The human knew that Tommy would prefer to walk.
Walk he did. Tommy came to the house an hour after the incident and there was a wall of despair around the place. It felt like digging through damp soil to enter the house. Once the glass door opened the Anthean wailing hit his ears. The high death knell of their pain that was so rarely heard. Tommy had cried one out when he missed his people and found himself losing his mind. The unbearable loneliness. Each shriek seemed to be louder than the last. There was nothing to be done. He would have to exhaust himself and might wake to start this all over again.
He didn't head into the back room where the screams of pain emanated. Tom and Aletayria were already by his side. None of them were going to be the right one to end the cries. They would all have to wait. Tommy instead went to Ziggy's pinpoint and sent out messages to those closest to the child. Maybe one of them could bring the pain under control, maybe all of them together? Tommy couldn't be sure but his own senses were already fraying under the onslaught. All he could do was sit on the chair in the living room and stare blankly at the outside while the sounds rolled over him like tidal waves.
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Date: 2020-12-15 03:35 pm (UTC)Once again, Ziggy's surprised him. He can feel as well as see the glimmer of energy through the touch of his magic and Ziggy's forehead. He doesn't gasp this time, but he makes a soft murmuring noise. The warmth and openness make sense, upon reflection. That's certainly what Ziggy's personality has always been like, in Rondo's experience. A little childish, sometimes, but evidently he's only adolescent, so that makes sense.
"Your father thought drinking a little might help you. Can you do that now?" He's still not willing to press the point, if Ziggy refuses, but Tom seemed so worried, and so caring even in his exhaustion, Rondo imagines he knows what he's talking about.
"If not, I may be able to do a painkilling spell, at least."
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Date: 2020-12-15 03:49 pm (UTC)The fetal ball he's in is starting to hurt too. He relaxes more out of necessity than desire. Then he's shifting to sit up and woozy. His hand coming to his head because he feel dizzy and a heavy throbbing in his temple. "I need to lay down"
There's intention with those words coming in; both a sense that Ziggy needs to stretch out and that he wants Rondo to stay. When his eyes open they're glowing slightly now too, like his forehead. It's not something Ziggy can control but comes and goes as it pleases with his emotions. Hiroki, being a spirit, had pulled that part of him wide open and now it was floundering without direction. The slightest brush of magic waking it up. Normally he would reach out when it happened but right now he's so closed down spiritually that it is there without anything more.
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Date: 2020-12-27 06:14 pm (UTC)Rondo will wear out eventually, too, but right now he's physically comfortable, if still worried. When Ziggy sits up, he reaches out to put hands on his shoulders to support him. "You're gonna get dehydrated too, if you're not careful," he murmurs, but if he's not ready to drink gin, maybe he's not ready to drink water, either.
Switching back to telepathy, he nods and puts one of his hands under Ziggy's chin. "I'm staying. I paid off my dorm-mates to cover for me, so it'll be days before anyone wonders where I went. You want me to be a pillow or stretch out with you? I have snakes in my shirt and I don't want to squish them, but otherwise I'm flexible."
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Date: 2020-12-27 06:37 pm (UTC)His eyes focus on Rondo while he's sitting up. They're red and puffy. His hair probably a mess too but he can't think about any of that like he usually would. He shakes off the offer again. "Not for weeks."
Maybe sooner with all the crying but his constitution would be enough for awhile. He was afraid he might vomit if he drank anything. Moving was close enough to feeling that way already.
The hands feel nice and he leans into them. His telepathy opening like he's about to speak and then just shuts down. He's perplexed for a moment, even through the pain and exhaustion.
"Snakes in your shirt?" He's so confused but also exhausted beyond belief. He pulls away to lay down if only because he has to or fall over. He reaches out for Rondo but his mind is still so confused. "Snakes?"
It's not making sense to him. The emotional drain partially at fault but also the sentence was so incongruous. Eventually, he says something else but in his telepathic sounds the question about the snakes is still lingering.
"Lay down with me." All the usual flirt and spunk are absent from the request. He's more needy than anything else, more like a child even at this moment than he usually is.
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Date: 2020-12-27 07:12 pm (UTC)"Here, relax a minute...I'll show you them. They're almost like my pets, except they're too intelligent to be pets. Companions." Maybe the extra company will help?
He stretches out beside Ziggy, giving the hatchlings a moment to readjust their position in his clothing. It's warmer now, so Oloreth, the bolder of the two, creeps out of his collar and settles on his shoulder. There is a glamour over the wings, but Ziggy may be able to perceive or see through it.
Rondo puts his arms around Ziggy obligingly, holding him as close as he wants to be. "I met someone named Lucifer in the Nexus, and Leviathan, and they sent these two hatchlings to live with me. They were both giant serpents with wings when I met them, but Lucifer changed into..." Pause. Blink. He just made the visual connection.
"Uh...he looked a lot like you, actually." That's weird. Now it's Rondo's turn to look confused, but only mildly so. "Anyway, the brown one is Oloreth, and the blue one is Oshaan, but I think she's more sensitive to the cold, so she may not come out for a bit."
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Date: 2020-12-27 07:32 pm (UTC)Even though the words had been said several times, for some reason he's still not expecting snakes to crawl out of his collar. However, he doesn't flinch, simply watches.
Gently he tucks an arm under Rondo so he can lay on his shoulder if he wants while they cuddle. His eyes are on the snakes though.
"I've met Lucifer. Dorian introduced us a long while ago. I think it was before I met you." He can't remember clearly right not but the snakes are a good distraction. He leans in to Rondo, struggling a little to arrange a pillow under his head without jostling the snakes. Antheans have a natural like of animals that Ziggy shares. "Dad is still uncomfortable with the devil looking like us."
Which was still funny even if Ziggy didn't have the energy or head space for laughter. Instead he turns his mind back to the snakes. It is getting hard to keep his eyes open and that slowness translates into his telepathy. "Will my coldness hurt them?"
His naturally lower body temperature might not be the best for something coldblooded. He has no way of knowing though since he's only even had cats as pets.
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Date: 2020-12-29 12:18 am (UTC)"He seemed kind. I have no idea what the devil means. Is it because humans are scared of snakes? They're sacred, on Arraka'ar. Sometimes dangerous, but winged serpents were how we used to depict the forces of creation."
He cranes his neck to kiss Ziggy's cheek a couple times, just soft, light affection. "I can keep them warm. They won't want to crawl on you much, but you won't hurt them."
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Date: 2020-12-29 12:35 am (UTC)"Dad... dad used to follow the religion where Lucifer was evil." Ziggy pauses to pull a blanket up over them both. Somewhere deep in his mind it is an automatic action done on so many evenings when he laid down sleepless with his tired partner. "Lucifer is a creator, too."
The words may not be verbal but there is a sense of sleepy mumbling to the telepathy. Ziggy kisses Rondo's forehead in return. "I like animals."
A long pause passes as Ziggy curls up, pressing his cheek to the top of Rondo's head. "The cats.....I need to take care of the cats."
He was talking about his own at the townhouse but he's too exhausted to do much about it. They should be fine for a day anyway.
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Date: 2021-01-25 02:00 pm (UTC)The blanket is welcome. Rondo's not impervious to cold, either, though he's capable of using magic for himself, too, if necessary. He snuggles in against Ziggy and tells himself he's not going to fall asleep.
"When your father comes back to check on you, I'll tell him the cats need attention," he says. "And I can check on them later, if someone else comes to be with you. I'm not leaving now, though."
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Date: 2021-01-25 02:23 pm (UTC)Rondo might need the magic since Ziggy is cold comparatively to other species. Though, eventually he might have to wiggle out of the blankets himself if it gets too warm.
"Thank you." Ziggy pressed a kiss to Rondo, where ever was convenient and didn't require him to move much. "You're a fabulous person."
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Date: 2021-01-25 04:26 pm (UTC)He giggles softly at the kiss and sighs. "Nah," he sends back modestly. "But I don't want you to feel alone, ever. I really like you, Ziggy."
The frisson of emotion through the telepathic link suggests that 'like' is a somewhat inadequate word, but then words are often inadequate where emotions are concerned.
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Date: 2021-01-25 04:42 pm (UTC)Words don't come back but intense affection; loving, sensual and sexual, though that last part is more curious than intense like the others.
"I've liked you for a long time." He adds after the emotional contact. Like also wasn't the exact word but the emotions could fill in that space on their own.
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Date: 2021-01-25 07:27 pm (UTC)For a moment, he lets his mind wander, entertaining the idea of Antheans and Arraka'arans making some kind of diplomatic alliance, something that would enable him to host Ziggy and his family on his own world. But he has no idea how to do that.
He shivers at the feel of the emotions. It's more affection than he's used to feeling directed at him, and Ziggy may get the sense that Rondo is a little bewildered by it. He's capable of reflecting it back, though, with no loss in intensity, just colored with confusion and inexperience. "I don't get why you like me, but I'm happy you do."
He thinks of Ziggy as bright and colorful and intense, like fireworks, and Rondo himself is much more awkward and uncertain. Eager, but nerdy, and highly prone to second-guessing himself. But he's also inherently kind, with a huge capacity to love that he's had too few outlets for.
He huffs a breath out against Ziggy's shoulder and nuzzles into the crook of his neck for a moment. He opens up his mental shields a little further, and the echoes of Ziggy's sensuality reverberate. Rondo is quite shy, sexually speaking, but fondness and sheer appreciation for how beautiful Ziggy is are impossible to ignore. In fact, he's a little concerned that lying in bed this close to him coupled with the telepathic contact will result in his sexual interest becoming, um, noticeable. And it's not the best time for that!
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Date: 2021-01-25 07:45 pm (UTC)Unless he's told to stop. He is inherently passionate and loud but he values individuality in all the shades it comes in. He'd never muddle someone else's space or brilliance for his own benefit.
The natural response to a mind opening is letting down some of his own floodgates. Ziggy is full of color.. everything from the deep blacks of his depression and pain to the golden teal that is his spiritual thought. However, one thing is loud in his presence, aside from love, hope. Ziggy is an embodiment of hope for himself, for the people he belongs to, for the future. It is why he embarked on the journey he did to save both species he belongs to.
As he lays there, eyes closed, the now smudge golden enso on his forehead starts to glow, or rather the skin behind it. It isn't his skin producing light but his spiritual self so close to the surface as he relaxes with someone he trusts. The exhaustion from emotional strain allowing it to surface more easily.
His arms wrap a little tighter as he groans from the nuzzling. The craving for contact even more obvious with the elf able to feel it as well as notice the physical manifestations of it. Truth is he probably wouldn't be bothered by sexual reactions if they happened. Ziggy's own openness toward all forms of sexuality and love make him tolerant, permissive, even if it is an inconvenient moment for them.
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Date: 2021-02-04 03:46 pm (UTC)The rush of color and presence fills Rondo's mind, and for a moment he's startled, but then he just accepts it, and once he does it feels perfectly normal. He's at peace; there is something in Rondo's deeper nature that is quietly observant, without judgment, and just pleased to see and feel positive emotions and change around it. A note of hope is a welcome thing.
Rondo is not about to do anything in bed that feels like taking advantage of Ziggy in a vulnerable mental state. The way he responds makes it feel like it's okay to desire him, though, so he stops fighting it and just lets it be what it is, with the acknowledgement that they're going to need a proverbial rain check on anything more than kissing and snuggling for now. "I'm so sorry you're hurt...and I wish you weren't, more than anything, but I'm glad we have this now..." he sends.
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Date: 2021-02-05 12:02 am (UTC)"I would now or in the future." Resignation clear in the words. Ziggy knew, always, that he would out live his partners but it wasn't a solid thing until now. He pulls Rondo in, wrapping carefully around him. In the calm is worry and a desire to protect and cling. It isn't a strong emotion but a part of the ebb and flow of his mind. 'I like holding you.' comes through as a state of feeling instead of words.
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Date: 2021-02-05 03:12 pm (UTC)It's too much to think about all at once. Besides, what matters is now, here, together.
"I'm not used to this. But I like it, too." He kisses his chin lightly. "I'll stay until you wake up again."
He may not stay awake, but he'll stay.