Life of a Rockstar for Hiroki Shirogane

[ziggyplayedguitar]

[Continued from here}

Ziggy had paced around for an hour feeling manic and hurt. He wasn't used to people pushing him away. It didn't matter that there were apologies and promises. Ziggy had been hurt in his life; physically but heartache was worse. He didn't like it. The whole mess of his mind gave him a migraine as he tried to sort through being pushed away and drawn in and pushed away again in an endless cycle for weeks now.

When they came together, it was glory, but then he'd walk away and Ziggy pined for him. The joy of reunion too short and another shove away. He'd been left at the dinner table of their first date even. He just walked away all the time. There was a promise in the words to never do it again. Ziggy didn't trust it. He stood for a long time leaning on the wall staring between the bedroom door and the front door. He could imagine him walking out and just not even giving him a second glance.

This was insanity. Ziggy broke out the whiskey as he paced. He chugged 5ths because it barely effected him though it dulled his cares. Then he'd turned to lines of cocaine to numb his emotions. Drugs effected him differently than a human. More whiskey and staring out windows at the dark. He even stood at the bedroom door tempted to bash it down when he started feeling the numbness and then walked away. Empty whiskey bottles were here and there all over the townhouse before he had any direction.

He went into the room he'd set up as a studio of sorts to write. Still in just the robe. Who cared? Head phones on to blot out the world and a ball on to record in case something good came out. He started with things he'd already wrote, songs he liked that weren't his. He eventually started to go stream of consciousness. things came and went.

Then a song stuck and he worked on it. This was where his empathy went wild. When he sang something new, sang because he needed the words. The pain and the hope of what was happening to his heart laid out in his voice and the guitar. The rest of the world could have been laid to waste and he might not notice.

Every time I think of what you pulled me through, dear
Fascination moves sweeping near me
Still I take ya
fascination

(Sure 'nuff) fascination
(Takes a part of me) takes a part of me
(Can a heart beat) can a heart beat
(Live in a fever) live in a fever?
(Raging inside of me?)
(Fascination) fascination
(Oh, yeah) oh yeah
(Takes a part of me) takes a part of me
(I can't help it) I can't help it
(I've got to use her) got to use her
(Every time, ooh)
Fascination comes around
(Ooh, oo, ooh)

your soul is calling
Like when I'm walking
Seems that everywhere I turn
I hope you're waiting for me
I know that people think
That I'm a little crazy


[the song Ziggy is currently 'writing']

Comments

[somekindofspaceuncle]

The clone... no, Hiroki... squirms. He screms out Ziggy's name at the top of his lungs. He's euphoric, he...

He is. The fact that his head doesn't hurt, ever since he's realised, ever since he's come back to Nexus, makes everything million times better. People live like that?? Their whole lives??? That's so awesome.

Being postcoital was also awesome, more than he had remembered because he had remembered distantly, but that in no way meant anything was finished, no way.

He suddenly wants to carry Ziggy onto the bed, lay him down there and smother him with a thousand kisses, and hold him close, and pet him, touch him, and never, ever, ever, ever let go.

His Ziggy.

He tries to scoop Ziggy into his arms, but there's suddenly a problem with that: he can't. He has only one arm.

How could he have so quiznaking forgotten?!

[ziggyplayedguitar]

He wasn't even close but the scream of his name with so much abandon does it, pushes him right over the edge. God if this is what it's going to be like he's going to need recessitated from death.

All he can do for a few minutes is lay against Hiroki's legs, panting and shaking from such an unexpected orgasm.

It takes a moment for Ziggy to catch on to the problem. He can't help but giggle a little because he had omitted this issue in his own daydreams too. However, he has a solution. Ziggy wraps his arms around Hiroki's neck and legs around his waist. Now he can pick him up with one arm no problem.

As soon as he's in his arms Ziggy starts kissing along his neck. He's nowhere near done or satisfied either. If anything he wants Hiroki more now than he did before.

1/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

Shi-- Hiroki gets flustered and makes a face upon hearing Ziggy giggle. He's doing his best, here. Or at least, he hoped so. Maybe-

Maybe he was utterly terrible in bed. This had to be it, yes. Of course he was. He was a failure. And no wonder, really, now that he thought of it - it wasn't in any of his original purposes, surely, and that's exactly why-

He was utterly pathetic at it. Yes. He knew it!

2/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

However, all that melts away like yesteryear's snow once Ziggy wraps his arm and legs around him. He smiles warmly at the other and stands up, careful not to shake him too much.

And when Ziggy begins the onslaught of kisses, Shi-- Hiroki's the happiest man on Earth. Er. Nexus.

He carries Ziggy to his bed and lays him down gently.

"You're-- you're the greatest, Ziggy," he utters, almost breathless.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"And you're fucking hot." Ziggy whispers, equally breathless, before placing hands on both of his cheeks to pull Hiroki into a kiss. His hands leave a slick wetness on his cheeks, something that Ziggy had completely forgotten about in the heat of the situation. So few people he slept with aroused him enough for it to happen anyway. He didn't think about it.

Still grinning, he slips farther up on the bed and gets into the nightstand to pull out a tin, explaining. "I usually use these on stage." He takes two pills out and downs them before replacing the tin and finishing his explanation. "Medicine from my mom's species that protects our bones, temporarily, from being so fragile."

He crawls back to Hiroki and gives him another kiss. "You won't have to be so gentle or worry about hurting me."

However Hiroki has ended up laying, Ziggy maneuvers himself to press up against him invitingly. Really what he wants is to feel the other man pinning him to the bed, the reason for the medicine in the first place, but they have all day and.. Ziggy's thoughts pause, hitching up on the idea of having Hiroki for days. Oh how he wants that right now, his touch and sex for days, even just leaning against him and resting on his chest. He wants all of that.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

So quiznaking amazing. Hiroki deepens the kiss, kissing him passionately; he never wants to stop. And Hiroki doesn't mind the wetness at all and barely notices, thinking that Ziggy's sweating.

Bone protection? He nods, that makes sense.

"And you're qui-- you're fucking most beautiful person in all the realities, and you know it."

"Who said I'm worried?" he asks, his breath hitching, almost a moan of pleasure, he can't stop himself, and he smiles, in a moment.

He hesitates, but he puts his hand on Ziggy's shoulder, and then grips it, a little tighter than before. All the while looking straight into Ziggy's eyes, to see if it's fine. Oh, he plans on pinning, without any input, but he'll first make sure if that's all right.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy, in fact barely sweats, on stage he does... well and maybe this will get hot enough for it with how that kiss felt.

"I do." Ziggy smiles deviously. ".. but do you know how gorgeous you are?"

There's another giggle. Hiroki is just going to have to learn that Ziggy laughs easily when he's happy. "I can tell in your touch and your emotions. Trust me to tell you if it hurts."

He smiles, meeting the other man's gaze with a look that says Hiroki's doing more than fine. It's a come fuck me gaze, all invitation and seduction. Ziggy wraps a leg over Hiroki's hip and tugs. He wants more than a hand pushing him down.

Writing tags rn while rewatching V:LD's "Code of Honour" before workday. :D

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"I'm not," he says, not sounding as if a compliment's done anything for him; he scoots away a little.

"Like that... you're just saying that Shiro is."

He sounds bitter, now. And feels as well, suddenly. Or rather, feelings shoved away before are now suddenly bursting to the front.

Bitterness. Longing. Jealousy. And envy. A lot of envy.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"Ive never fucking seen Shiro." Ziggy is trying to hide that he's upset. It takes him a moment to get his emotions under control.

"I see and feel more than a human. You can be cloned from him but I will always see the differences between Hiroki and Shiro even when humans can't, even if you can't. "

Ziggy leans into him and kisses his cheek. "I don't want Shiro. I'm not interested in him. Hiroki, though... I'm falling in love with him...with you."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"It'll be a different story once you meet him."

He's not sure of that, but he's not sure of anything.

"Not that it'd make any difference to you. In fact, you should be with Shiro, not with me, if I really loved you... it'd just. Be slightly safer for you, like that."

Not 'safe', by any means, oh no, just ask anybody who knows him, but, slightly safer.

"Takashi Shirogane wouldn't hurt you. Ever."

"In fact, maybe you should go check the Black Paladin out just to make sure."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Something visibly cracks in Ziggy, sadness welling up in his eyes and then he yells, he so rarely yells. This is high, panicked and pained. "Everyone accuses me of fucking everyone... why shouldn't you too?"

He's suddenly self conscious of the bullet scars on his chest and covers them with his hands, but it is his scarred left hand. He feels so afraid, afraid that he'll be seen as deserving to die. He tries to pull th blankets on the bed to cover himself but it's futile with both of them laying on top of the blankets.

"I... I thought you saw me as something other than a whore." The words are coming out vulerable and opening old wounds.. or at least wounds from the previous year. "I'm stupid enough to ... to think anyone might actually want something more than bragging about fucking me."

Ziggy is slowly curling up, knees to his chest. He's self conscious right now of being naked. He wraps his arms around his knees and hides his face in his knees. He doesn't want to cry. If Hiroki think so little of him why should he cry for him?

[somekindofspaceuncle]

At first, there's just pure surprise, startled pulling away... no, shock... as the clone's eyes widen upon hearing Hiroki's words.

Then, well, even if not thoughts, Ziggy can definitely feel suicidal feelings. Hiroki suddenly feels as if he might, actually, really, kill himself in a few minutes.

Hiroki quietly stands up, shaking.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

It's those feelings that bring Ziggy out of his self loathing. He lifts his head and grabs Hiroki's hand. The grip is as tight as he can hold on. He just stares for a moment blinking back the threatening tears. He's hurt and confused about so much.

"Why... why do you always tell me to go?" Ziggy asks in barely a whisper. "Why won't you let me stay? I want to."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"You- you do??"

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy wants to scream again. Not words just a sound but he swallow the urge. "Since ... "

He doesn't have the words but he was writing something. It's so much easier to sing so he turns to it, to a fragment of something he was writing.

The days fell on their knees
Maybe I'll take something to help me
Hope someone takes after me
This time I know I could get it together
If I did casually mention tonight
That would be crazy tonight

Heart wrecker, heart wrecker, make me delight
Life is so vague when it brings someone new
This time tomorrow I'll know what to do
I know it's happened to you

that's what I meant to say
Or do something, but what I never say is
Stay this time, I really meant to so bad this time

[somekindofspaceuncle]

Hiroki sits down. Focused utterly and solely on the song.

He's shaking.

He whispers,

"I was trying to forgive myself --- for existing. I don't know if I can. I'm not-- strong enough to forgive myself. Would you forgive me --- for me...?"

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy clings to Hiroki's hand. "I've told you, I'm glad you're alive and here. There's nothing to forgive."

He leans in and kisses him, light and uncertain.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

Shiro's clone cuddles Ziggy, honestly bewildered and glad to hear this. There are tears in his eyes, but he's stopping himself from crying with sheer will, even though he definitely should cry, probably, right about now. He's trying to stifle all of that.

"Ziggy-"

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"I'm here." He leans closer, pressing thier bodies together for comfort, both of thier comfort. Another kiss, light, brief. "You've been under my skin since I met you."

That was true. That first meeting when he leaned in to him to teach him to play guitar. It was enough for some reason to keep Hiroki on his mind.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"I still want to play guitar. Don't you think that's over. I'll learn..."

"Ziggy, I-"

He fumbles, not sure there are words in any language he knows for what he wants to say.

He mutters something in Altean, quietly but distinctly, shyly, though he knows Ziggy won't understand it, anyway.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

There's a bright smile, hopeful and loving. "I was going to teach you some one handed instruments." Well until the issue with the missing prosthetic was resolved. That hampered learning the guitar.

"What?" He asks gently. The urge for sex is rising again but not from lust. It's a desire to wrap himself up with Hiroki, to share himself, but that can wait for the moment.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"...as long as any reality exists...or any who remember the Life Givers..."

He shakes his head.

"You'll get what you want, then get bored of me. But, that's alright. You can forget me. I'll never forget you."

"And. You've said you're glad I'm alive, but. I'm not alive. I'm sorry."

As if. That's solely an inconvenience for Ziggy, that Hiroki Shirogane is now apologising for.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy raises a brow at the wierd recited words but he understands mantras and meditation for calm. He, erroneously, writes it off as such.

"Please." Ziggy is pleading as he shakes his head. "Don't say that about me. That's all anyone ever says...I've been hurt because people...."

He just sighs and sort of collapses against Hiroki. Why was he fighting so hard for this one person to see him as he was when they pretty obviously said they didn't want to over and over again.

The words though cause him to shift and smile at Hiroki...a devious insolent sort of smile. "Then I will happily love the dead. I keep telling you I will care no matter what or who you are. When are you going to stop arguing with me over it?"

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Don't you understand? I'm simply saying that you're great, amazing, utterly unbelievably amazing, good, and awesome, worth at least a couple universes, and you're now trying to settle for one dead and broken clone? You can only do that if you're an utter madman and can't look into a mirror. You're too good for me. I'm just telling you the truth. Being with me... it's like. If you moved out and decided to live in a cave. Just like that."

No matter.. he hears. So... wow. Ziggy is serious. About him. He'd happily concede to be Ziggy's toy, one of many, in freedom to do so, not forced, but this... Ziggy was serious.

At least a little bit.

About this clone.

"O-oh. Thank you. I... will stop."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"You're the one that doesn't understand." Ziggy retorts playfully. "I want you, whatever that is, it's beautiful." Ziggy nuzzles up against his neck. "I'm falling in love with you, of course I'm crazy. That's how love works."

He still felt insane saying that outlook but every time he did his whole body responded. It had to be right.

Ziggy wrapped his arms around the other man offering his much slimmer body for comfort. "Just be here with me."