Ziggy Stardust (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ziggyplayedguitar) wrote2020-08-01 07:26 pm
ziggyplayedguitar) wrote2020-08-01 07:26 pm
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The Elephant in the Room
Things were unbelievable. Ziggy was high on life, so much so that even his cocaine use diminished. Reduced to something at a recreation, instead of life sustaining. A mere week and his drinking was all but gone, except whiskey in his coffee, always.
They'd come to a routine. Ziggy recording, Hiroki training, sharing meals together. They both could cook and that was unexpected, though Ziggy couldn't place why he found it odd. Importantly, Hiroki indulged Ziggy's craving for unending contact. And the sex! When they touched it didn't stop until they were falling asleep, worn out by the desperate need for each other. It was unrestrained as they abandoned themselves to each other. Someone was getting close to satiating his desire for sex and intimacy. It wasn't all day like Ziggy had imagined he would need, daily, perhaps but the idea that it didn't need to be so all consuming to be satisfying was new to the Anthean.
And he didn't have to hide. Since Hiroki returned, Ziggy hadn't put his contacts back in. He could let the Anthean part of himself be exposed, be safe with it known, and, if he was honest with himself, it seemed that Hiroki treasured him more because of it. There was perhaps something to be said for acceptance he could never find on Earth. That acceptance went both ways. Ziggy accepted the fact that his lover was a dead clone, but the Anthean had never seen him as just a clone anyway.
Those thoughts brought questions that had Ziggy glancing up at his lover from where they lay on the couch together. They needed to talk about the elephant, or rather giant robot, metaphorically in the room with them.
"Hiroki?" He asked quietly, not really wanting to disturb him while he read.
They'd come to a routine. Ziggy recording, Hiroki training, sharing meals together. They both could cook and that was unexpected, though Ziggy couldn't place why he found it odd. Importantly, Hiroki indulged Ziggy's craving for unending contact. And the sex! When they touched it didn't stop until they were falling asleep, worn out by the desperate need for each other. It was unrestrained as they abandoned themselves to each other. Someone was getting close to satiating his desire for sex and intimacy. It wasn't all day like Ziggy had imagined he would need, daily, perhaps but the idea that it didn't need to be so all consuming to be satisfying was new to the Anthean.
And he didn't have to hide. Since Hiroki returned, Ziggy hadn't put his contacts back in. He could let the Anthean part of himself be exposed, be safe with it known, and, if he was honest with himself, it seemed that Hiroki treasured him more because of it. There was perhaps something to be said for acceptance he could never find on Earth. That acceptance went both ways. Ziggy accepted the fact that his lover was a dead clone, but the Anthean had never seen him as just a clone anyway.
Those thoughts brought questions that had Ziggy glancing up at his lover from where they lay on the couch together. They needed to talk about the elephant, or rather giant robot, metaphorically in the room with them.
"Hiroki?" He asked quietly, not really wanting to disturb him while he read.
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It is a body, in almost every way, in Nexus, true, but if there's any genetic material about it, really, Hiroki doesn't know.
So if... I don't know if it's real enough... nevermind...
Real body, though he wouldn't exactly call it normal, the real body is what Shiro has now, and that's fine, by now. Real, though normal wouldn't be the right word, exactly. If it was utterly normal, it'd look like a toddler today, and Shiro doesn't look like a toddler at all.
Nevermind. I'm talking nonsense. Just... keep loving me, Ziggy, this is enough... I would... like children, maybe, but... don't worry, love. Your genetics might be a mess, but I might not have any genetics, in Nexus as I am, even, who the quiznak knows. Nevermind. I love you, genetics or not.
He presses closely.
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I will love you just as much if we can't. I.. I just want you to have the life she tried to take from you. Ziggy starts crying. It's frustration, and anger, and love... so much of it is love. He wanted these things for Hiroki because he loved him so much.
He meets the press of closeness, wrapping his arms and legs around Hiroki. Make love to me, please.
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You know, Ziggy, if it wasn't for you, I'd probably still hate myself a little. And I would just think... that hopefully I can redeem myself, at least a little, by helping my family...
Voltron's team is his first family, will always be, and he knows Ziggy knows that.
by helping as part of Atlas. That if I do that enough, other Paladins will know I still loved them, even if I can't say anything. So, I thought, I thought that's it, and I've accepted that.
That's why... it's amazing I can now have more family. It's amazing that I can talk to someone I love, with words. It's amazing that... I have so much more than I've ever deserved.
But. Ziggy's now asked Hiroki to make love to him, so enough thinking, now, Hiroki will now do just that. Wait, Hiroki wanted to be taken as female, but, how did that work, again...
He takes Ziggy's hand, looks at the palm and, flustered, tries to remember what to do, exactly. Sometimes, sex with Ziggy is so overwhelming, Hiroki Shirogane can barely remember any details afterwards.
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Ziggy slips the hand free to gently rest on Hiroki's cheek. You can ask. I don't mind helping. It's new to both of is.
And Ziggy does just that. Tugs a little on his thighs to get him to move up a little and straddle Ziggy, easy enough since he is so thin. Having the female parts in his lower abdomen at the bikini line instead of between the thighs does mean Hiroki is going to have to get used to a slightly different motion.
Ziggy starts stroking Hiroki, and arches up just enough to show him where he needs to penetrate. Better?
Ziggy kisses him and smiles. We're still learning how to love each other, what we like. You don't need to feel embarrassed. I like to experiment with sex, so try whatever you want.
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Heartfelt, and he hopes dearly that Ziggy can say the same, despite everything.
He lets Ziggy direct him to the proper place, and then goes to put his cock there.
Not trying to be too careful, as these aren't their physical, though it sometimes feel that way... but also different... and less limits.
He knows he can feel all this in thy physical realm, too, he can feel it, (if anybody will see IGF-Atlas during their travels, they'll see it shining, and somehow, Hiroki feels slightly embarassed about that, but it's fine. And it's hard to be embarassed here, in the spirit, with Ziggy at his sight, and taking in beautiful sight of Ziggy, so open to him, and of the scenery of... he knows this place, what is this place...) and he's sure Ziggy can feel the passion of this all, all they're doing, outside, too, it's impossible not to. Surely Allura would leave Ziggy alone, knowing he and Hiroki are being intimate in this dimension, so it's fine.
I'll try. I'll try everything. And, hey, I know I don't have to change myself for you, but if there's anything you'd fantasize about, tell me, I can just change for a moment and then go back.
For example, he jokes, not really thinking Ziggy would be into that, necessarily, if you wanted me to have a bigger penis
He giggles lightly, though also gets flustered. It's only a joke, while it actually is possible to do, and only a stranger would think that Hiroki's being vain or whatever.
And Hiroki just means, well, anything that Ziggy might want to try, temporarily, not fundamental in any way.
But all that thought is interrupted as he gets into Ziggy's-- what is it even called... he forgot... well, gets there, and...
Well, it's best to stop talking, probably. He moans, and grabs Ziggy tighter.
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That was pure honesty. Everything felt better with Hiroki around and it had stabilized some of Ziggy's wilder swings of emotions too.
He was trying to be pretty precise in what he was showing Hiroki to do with his body. Even if it wasn't his real body and probably couldn't be hurt, this experience would probably inform things in the real world when they indulged physically.
The comment does get an incredulous giggle. You're perfect, always have been....mmmm Your cock included. Ziggy pauses panting and moaning. Unless you want to grow your nails.. I like this feeling. He gently digs his nails into Hiroki's shoulders. He does have longer, manicured fingernails. He would even do Hiroki's nails to make them nice, in fact, that ends up getting projected as a fantasy... to manicure his nails and feeling them on his skin and in his hair.
Ziggy wraps his legs tighter around Hiroki's hips, silences by his lover's movements. Then he starts begging. He's already so close and surely in the real world he is getting loud and squirming around in the bed. All he can do is crush his lips to Hiroki's and project all the intimate passion he's feeling.
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And maybe it shouldn't, he thinks, but the begging feels so good, too.
And it's not like anyone can blame Hiroki for this, he's tried to let go of Ziggy, in the past, he's honestly tried...
(The old 'if you love something, let it go' and so, Shiro's clone did let go, because he felt he'd just kill Ziggy if they stayed together. So he let Ziggy go.
But the thing is, just like in the proverb...
He let Ziggy go. And Ziggy came to Hiroki, time and again.
Because Ziggy loved him. Hiroki didn't make Ziggy his. Ziggy's... Ziggy's given Ziggy to Hiroki. Just as Hiroki's given himself to Ziggy. The bond.
Do you believe in karma? Hiroki asks suddenly. Every act of our deepest spirit, even every attempt of such act, is a seed that blossoms into a future that comes to us when we least expect it. It's what some people used to believe, ages ago, on my home planet, on my Earth. I didn't believe in karm, in my life. Shiro's never believed in karma and he still doesn't believe in it, probably never will.
Nowadays, I like to believe a chance to meet you, something so amazing it's like it could never happen to me, might be of my karma, too. Though that'd have to mean I've done something good, at least once in my life. Or maybe it's just that I've tried. I'll believe it--
And then he can't think clearly anymore. There's only Ziggy. So close.
I adore you. Ziggy
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Though, then Hiroki starts to talk about karma. Worry blossoms in Ziggy as he tries to keep his mind at bay. He can't and he falls into a vision.
There's flashes of war, famine, disease, riots, death, everything burning. The thoughts are impossibly chaotic and jumbled together like looking at moments of a movie out of order. Then suddenly it goes dark and rushes back as a third person view of Ziggy on stage in his favorite short white kimono. There's a loud noise and Ziggy stumbles back, red spreading from the abdomen (A place Hiroki now knows would hit his heart). He's been shot and as he falls people from the crowd grab him, drag him off the stage and start beating him. The pain feels real. It's so loud and excruciating. Then it's gone. More flashes of Tom dying of alcohol poisoning, his mother fading in grief with a young red haired girl crying in her lap. Images are coming faster and faster.
Like a light switch everything stops, Ziggy disappears from the spirit realm and wakes in a full blood curdling scream. He's panting, sweating and fearful. He can't think for a moment as he tries to shake the after effects.
Hiroki?? his mind reaches out like a scared child. He doesn't even know where he is yet. His mind can't process that yet.
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Atlas immediately reaches out to him. To his mind. Wordlessly questioning Ziggy's anxiety.
At least Atlas is a little familiar to Ziggy already.
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I had another round of visions. Ziggy admits to the presence he is starting to recognize as the ship. It was hard to separate the three at first. I have them sometimes about my death. Is Hiroki alright? I can come back in a few minutes. I don't have the focus.
And he didn't. He felt hopelessly scattered.
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Once he does, he sits back in the chair, closes his eyes, and reaches back out to the mindspace. He will reappear but dim, dull. it's not from any sort of energy drain but from a desire to hide. He just wants to hide from dying. Maybe he would have been ok wit the exchange when he first arrived but now, now he isn't. He wants to live and stay alive.
Hiroki?? His senses are still a little scrambled and he's not sure where to go to find his partner.
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The space is almost empty, it's dark as if one went outside one's home during a new moon.
The only lights - them, both of them.
Well, not much light in Ziggy's case, apparently.
I'm here for you, Ziggy. I'll never give up on you. I'll always be here for you. It won't change any futures, but-- I'll never give up on you. So, come to me, whenever. Please. I know it's not--- but it's all I have, all I can offer.
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You're enough. Just like this. You are everything I need.
Ziggy would prefer more but he had to admit he wasn't lacking happiness. Sometimes he was frustrated or disappointed about things they couldn't do or share but deep inside he's happy.
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But, why now... is it something I've said? Forgive me-
Oh. Oh. That kiss. Kissing was the last thing he thought would be on Ziggy's mind, right now. But - it's good.
Hiroki returns the kiss, responds to it, gently, slowly, pouring his loyalty to Ziggy into it. Will always be by Ziggy's side. Always.
I'm far from being everything for... but I'm here. For you. So that you know you're the most important. And wanted. And beautiful. That you're a miracle. That you're one of the Knights of Light, because realities aren't only darkness. If they were, there'd've been no light left, millenias ago. One of-- Or not a knight, if you prefer something else. Whatever. Of Light. And that you're alive. I'll be here. For you. With you. I know it's hard, but... Never forget. I won't give up on you. No matter what happens to us.
He kisses Ziggy again. Loyalty. Friendship. Love. Faith. Desire. Poured into the kiss.
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Ziggy pulled Hiroki into that kiss, desperate for it. He almost wants to make love again, not for sexual satisfaction but the comfort he finds in the closeness.
And I am here for you. Ziggy pulls back from the kiss, the golden light slowly increasing as he gazes on Hiroki. No matter what form you have, I'll love you. Until the end of everything, I'm yours. No matter what happens, who is around, none of it will change that.
He presses a kiss to Hiroki's forehead, gentle and warm like the light. Hiroki might feel it, the first true flickers of a permanent and stable bond between their minds. You're enough for me.
sorry, shiros hope with humour... sorry not sorry
The teasing is full of affection.
Hiroki leans wholly into the kiss and lights up more, shimmering brightly.
And as he feels the hint of the bond, the 'space' brightens up, and slowly, 'Earth' appears as well.
Quite a brightly shining Earth, if one looks. Just like how water can seem to be shining brightly, sparkling in the sun - this Earth is shining like that, even though there's no sun on in this space, doesn't seem to be.
If so, then... Ziggy. I'm yours.
And for him of all people, it's not something he'd ever say lightly. Not something he'd ever say without thinking. He means it.
And just thinking it proves how enormous his trust in Ziggy is, by now.
Trust, knowing... trust that Ziggy won't abuse the bond.
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Ziggy presses thier bodies, thier spirits together, rubbing against his lover cat-like. He knows the trust because he is showing the same kind of trust. The trust that leaves you bare and vulnerable but hopeful.
Anthea has joined Earth in the sky and th darkness fades, replaced by a view of a Japanese bridge while they stand on a path hung in cherry blossoms. They're in one of Ziggy's memories now. This place is full of hope and love. It is from just a week or so after he arrived on Earth and some of the first moments he had alone with his father since he was a boy.
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Oh... is this...
You've kept your promise to take me on a walk. Let's go!
So childishly delighted. And shining like a lightbulb. Well, a tealish lightbulb?
Let's see, let's look around and I'll tell you if I've been here before, Princess!
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There's a sadness to his words but it turns to happiness as he pulls the smell of the blossoms out of the memory. The experience probably more intense than a human would have, same with the colors. The colors are richer and more vibrant because these are memories from an Anthean's senses.
I'm at you command, lover.
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I won't let you die, Ziggy, he thinks, suddenly, just overwhelmed with all the emotions. Maybe he could stop himself from saying it right now, but not from thinking it. So he's thought it, loudly. Oops.
Then, because surely he's said, er, thought enough, he starts looking around to see where exactly they are.
Wait. I don't undertand. Oh-- I know!
Because he's looked through Black's eyes before. And more recently, through Atlas's.
This is the world through your eyes! Ha, I've wanted to see it.
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Ziggy laughs and leans against his shoulder, squeezing his hand. This is only the visible light spectrum. I see more than this but I didn't want to overwhelm you with things that humans can't normally see. I can recall all the memory if you want to see the world like I do.
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Because that sounded weird. Possibly.
"Hey, you can try me with other spectrums, c'mon, it's interesting, hey. If it's too much, I'll tell you."
Maybe. I might be enjoying this too much too reveal if it's too much, even if it'll be too m-- oh.
Quiznak!
Let's just try.
Also, I haven't been here. Not right here, at least.
Anyway, I've seen through Black's eyes - no, quiznak, Shiro saw through Black's eyes... hmm. But I did see through Atlas's! I might just handle it.
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