Life of a Rockstar for Hiroki Shirogane

[ziggyplayedguitar]

[Continued from here}

Ziggy had paced around for an hour feeling manic and hurt. He wasn't used to people pushing him away. It didn't matter that there were apologies and promises. Ziggy had been hurt in his life; physically but heartache was worse. He didn't like it. The whole mess of his mind gave him a migraine as he tried to sort through being pushed away and drawn in and pushed away again in an endless cycle for weeks now.

When they came together, it was glory, but then he'd walk away and Ziggy pined for him. The joy of reunion too short and another shove away. He'd been left at the dinner table of their first date even. He just walked away all the time. There was a promise in the words to never do it again. Ziggy didn't trust it. He stood for a long time leaning on the wall staring between the bedroom door and the front door. He could imagine him walking out and just not even giving him a second glance.

This was insanity. Ziggy broke out the whiskey as he paced. He chugged 5ths because it barely effected him though it dulled his cares. Then he'd turned to lines of cocaine to numb his emotions. Drugs effected him differently than a human. More whiskey and staring out windows at the dark. He even stood at the bedroom door tempted to bash it down when he started feeling the numbness and then walked away. Empty whiskey bottles were here and there all over the townhouse before he had any direction.

He went into the room he'd set up as a studio of sorts to write. Still in just the robe. Who cared? Head phones on to blot out the world and a ball on to record in case something good came out. He started with things he'd already wrote, songs he liked that weren't his. He eventually started to go stream of consciousness. things came and went.

Then a song stuck and he worked on it. This was where his empathy went wild. When he sang something new, sang because he needed the words. The pain and the hope of what was happening to his heart laid out in his voice and the guitar. The rest of the world could have been laid to waste and he might not notice.

Every time I think of what you pulled me through, dear
Fascination moves sweeping near me
Still I take ya
fascination

(Sure 'nuff) fascination
(Takes a part of me) takes a part of me
(Can a heart beat) can a heart beat
(Live in a fever) live in a fever?
(Raging inside of me?)
(Fascination) fascination
(Oh, yeah) oh yeah
(Takes a part of me) takes a part of me
(I can't help it) I can't help it
(I've got to use her) got to use her
(Every time, ooh)
Fascination comes around
(Ooh, oo, ooh)

your soul is calling
Like when I'm walking
Seems that everywhere I turn
I hope you're waiting for me
I know that people think
That I'm a little crazy


[the song Ziggy is currently 'writing']

Comments

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Shsh. I made you a promise. Haven't you heard?"

That's, yes, he's not ever leaving this home (and neither is he leaving his first home, ever, in his feelings, he'll never leave Team Voltron in his feelings), whether he can keep this body of his, still, here in Nexus through some freak Nexus thing, or not.

And wherever they are, right now, Hiroki will just...

His hand slides down and he tugs at Ziggy's shirt or whatever. He's not sure he'll be able to take that off left-handed, one-handed, but he can definitely try.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"I heard." But sometimes hearing and believing are two different things.

He might be confused about relationships in general but he knows very clearly what it means when someone starts trying to undress him. The robe is easy enough to tug off, even one handed. Ziggy grabs Hiroki's shirt and shoves it off. Then pulls away only to press his lips all over Hiroki's chest. This is what he knows. He'll probably fumble through emotional relationships for sometime but the physical parts come naturally.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

Hiroki's eyes suddenly widen and he almost chokes with visible, palpable surprise, strange kind of, maybe hard to make sense of.

"I've never had sex!", he exclaims, shocked,

As, all the while, he slides his hand down, and then, begins to lightly stroke Ziggy's cock. Definitely knowing and remembering what he's doing.

Yes, Hiroki Shirogane's just, honestly, realised, that he himself had never had sex. Just a realisation.

That is. Never has had.

"Nevermind, I..."

The clone blushes.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

The surprise comes surging through the emotions long before the words. But the admission gets a quiet laugh and then a long moan from the touch. His hips shoving into his hand.

"You're doing fine." Ziggy whispers. Hiroki wouldn't be the first virgin to stumble into his bed. However his own hands are busy with Hiroki's pants. He doesn't care they are standing in the middle of the house or whatever. His whole mind and emotions are focused on learning how to pleasure Hiroki.

While making myself dinner. Have a tag. Why not.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Because I remember having sex. I can even count how many times I... if I felt so inclined."

Slight frustration and confusion, here.

"I hope you don't mind, either way, it's not as if-!"

Less talking, he decides.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"I've told you, whatever you are, I want you here with me." He grins wide and full of affection as he pushes Hiroki's pants down.

"It doesn't matter anyway." He kisses lips and then a light one on his jaw. "It's your first time with me."

Ziggy believed that in a way. Every new lover was like a first time. You had to learn new things, new ways of interacting with someone else. He didn't linger on the thoughts. Instead he turns to kissing his way down the middle of his chest and across his stomach, hands pressed into Hiroki's lower back for balance.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

He was so not going to mention his.... ????? ... during sex. His... ??

What WAS Takashi, to him????? What was Takashi Shirogane to him?

He wasn't his father. He could clearly imagine Takashi's face if anybody ever would suggest that the clone was--

NO.

Then... what was Shiro to him? What?

Anyway. He was not going to mention him during sex, quiznak it all.

If Ziggy doesn't understand, fine, it's not as if he cares!!

Wordlessly, now, he grabs onto his shoulder, as if suddenly very much fearing that Ziggy might up and leave him in the middle of the act.

A little... subconsciously...

Also, he's already so close to coming, he feels utterly ridiculous. This is not how things were last time he-

There was no last time he-

Because this was his own first time. Damn. Fine!

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Because he doesn't know what Hiroki is thinking, the grasp to his shoulders and flash of fear of leaving or stopping gets a different interpretation. Especially since Ziggy can feel his arousal, how high the other man is on it.

Besides, there are no rules that say sex should entail one orgasm per partner. He's wanted Hiroki so badly recently that it wouldn't take much effort to convince him to stay in bed all day, tangled up and naked.

The pull to his shoulders though drive him lower until he's kneeling. He runs his tongue up Hiroki's inner thigh before taking his whole cock on his mouth. There's no hesitation as he starts sucking. It's enough to have the alien moaning from the want.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

The young man shudders. He's - he's coming, right now, no doubt about it.

And if Ziggy wants to do this, well-

This feels---- Amazing. He knew the feeling, but-- distantly. He understand that now. This is - here, now, his own body.

That's the difference. That's what first time means, he suddenly realises with clarity, or, well, he thinks it might be clarity, at least, he's going to believe that!

The young man moans, loudly. And, truth is, Ziggy can do absolutely anything with him right now.

He has no idea why Ziggy's being so great to him. He's never done a thing to deserve it, from Ziggy!

[ziggyplayedguitar]

As with everything, there's no shyness when he feels those telltale quivers. He does let go of Hiroki's back. One hand inside his shorts to stroke himself. He has to because he's getting caught up in the other man's emotions. The other hand joins his mouth on the base of Hiroki's cock.

All he can think about is how he daydreamed about this the last time he left, how his mind had been stuck on these thoughts since last night. Truth is that Ziggy is up for anything, though with how quickly he's reached orgasm and his declaration of virginity this is all going to be exploratory. Sometimes, usually, that makes it better, when the partner has no set ways.

However, his thoughts are mostly the taste and feel of his lover in his mouth. Eyes closed he'll keep going until Hiroki's done and then have to pull back and pant to catch his breath. The Anthean lungs mean less need to pause for breath but it also means more gasping for air when desire has pushed him to ignore breathing longer than he should.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

The clone... no, Hiroki... squirms. He screms out Ziggy's name at the top of his lungs. He's euphoric, he...

He is. The fact that his head doesn't hurt, ever since he's realised, ever since he's come back to Nexus, makes everything million times better. People live like that?? Their whole lives??? That's so awesome.

Being postcoital was also awesome, more than he had remembered because he had remembered distantly, but that in no way meant anything was finished, no way.

He suddenly wants to carry Ziggy onto the bed, lay him down there and smother him with a thousand kisses, and hold him close, and pet him, touch him, and never, ever, ever, ever let go.

His Ziggy.

He tries to scoop Ziggy into his arms, but there's suddenly a problem with that: he can't. He has only one arm.

How could he have so quiznaking forgotten?!

[ziggyplayedguitar]

He wasn't even close but the scream of his name with so much abandon does it, pushes him right over the edge. God if this is what it's going to be like he's going to need recessitated from death.

All he can do for a few minutes is lay against Hiroki's legs, panting and shaking from such an unexpected orgasm.

It takes a moment for Ziggy to catch on to the problem. He can't help but giggle a little because he had omitted this issue in his own daydreams too. However, he has a solution. Ziggy wraps his arms around Hiroki's neck and legs around his waist. Now he can pick him up with one arm no problem.

As soon as he's in his arms Ziggy starts kissing along his neck. He's nowhere near done or satisfied either. If anything he wants Hiroki more now than he did before.

1/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

Shi-- Hiroki gets flustered and makes a face upon hearing Ziggy giggle. He's doing his best, here. Or at least, he hoped so. Maybe-

Maybe he was utterly terrible in bed. This had to be it, yes. Of course he was. He was a failure. And no wonder, really, now that he thought of it - it wasn't in any of his original purposes, surely, and that's exactly why-

He was utterly pathetic at it. Yes. He knew it!

2/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

However, all that melts away like yesteryear's snow once Ziggy wraps his arm and legs around him. He smiles warmly at the other and stands up, careful not to shake him too much.

And when Ziggy begins the onslaught of kisses, Shi-- Hiroki's the happiest man on Earth. Er. Nexus.

He carries Ziggy to his bed and lays him down gently.

"You're-- you're the greatest, Ziggy," he utters, almost breathless.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"And you're fucking hot." Ziggy whispers, equally breathless, before placing hands on both of his cheeks to pull Hiroki into a kiss. His hands leave a slick wetness on his cheeks, something that Ziggy had completely forgotten about in the heat of the situation. So few people he slept with aroused him enough for it to happen anyway. He didn't think about it.

Still grinning, he slips farther up on the bed and gets into the nightstand to pull out a tin, explaining. "I usually use these on stage." He takes two pills out and downs them before replacing the tin and finishing his explanation. "Medicine from my mom's species that protects our bones, temporarily, from being so fragile."

He crawls back to Hiroki and gives him another kiss. "You won't have to be so gentle or worry about hurting me."

However Hiroki has ended up laying, Ziggy maneuvers himself to press up against him invitingly. Really what he wants is to feel the other man pinning him to the bed, the reason for the medicine in the first place, but they have all day and.. Ziggy's thoughts pause, hitching up on the idea of having Hiroki for days. Oh how he wants that right now, his touch and sex for days, even just leaning against him and resting on his chest. He wants all of that.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

So quiznaking amazing. Hiroki deepens the kiss, kissing him passionately; he never wants to stop. And Hiroki doesn't mind the wetness at all and barely notices, thinking that Ziggy's sweating.

Bone protection? He nods, that makes sense.

"And you're qui-- you're fucking most beautiful person in all the realities, and you know it."

"Who said I'm worried?" he asks, his breath hitching, almost a moan of pleasure, he can't stop himself, and he smiles, in a moment.

He hesitates, but he puts his hand on Ziggy's shoulder, and then grips it, a little tighter than before. All the while looking straight into Ziggy's eyes, to see if it's fine. Oh, he plans on pinning, without any input, but he'll first make sure if that's all right.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy, in fact barely sweats, on stage he does... well and maybe this will get hot enough for it with how that kiss felt.

"I do." Ziggy smiles deviously. ".. but do you know how gorgeous you are?"

There's another giggle. Hiroki is just going to have to learn that Ziggy laughs easily when he's happy. "I can tell in your touch and your emotions. Trust me to tell you if it hurts."

He smiles, meeting the other man's gaze with a look that says Hiroki's doing more than fine. It's a come fuck me gaze, all invitation and seduction. Ziggy wraps a leg over Hiroki's hip and tugs. He wants more than a hand pushing him down.

Writing tags rn while rewatching V:LD's "Code of Honour" before workday. :D

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"I'm not," he says, not sounding as if a compliment's done anything for him; he scoots away a little.

"Like that... you're just saying that Shiro is."

He sounds bitter, now. And feels as well, suddenly. Or rather, feelings shoved away before are now suddenly bursting to the front.

Bitterness. Longing. Jealousy. And envy. A lot of envy.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"Ive never fucking seen Shiro." Ziggy is trying to hide that he's upset. It takes him a moment to get his emotions under control.

"I see and feel more than a human. You can be cloned from him but I will always see the differences between Hiroki and Shiro even when humans can't, even if you can't. "

Ziggy leans into him and kisses his cheek. "I don't want Shiro. I'm not interested in him. Hiroki, though... I'm falling in love with him...with you."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"It'll be a different story once you meet him."

He's not sure of that, but he's not sure of anything.

"Not that it'd make any difference to you. In fact, you should be with Shiro, not with me, if I really loved you... it'd just. Be slightly safer for you, like that."

Not 'safe', by any means, oh no, just ask anybody who knows him, but, slightly safer.

"Takashi Shirogane wouldn't hurt you. Ever."

"In fact, maybe you should go check the Black Paladin out just to make sure."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Something visibly cracks in Ziggy, sadness welling up in his eyes and then he yells, he so rarely yells. This is high, panicked and pained. "Everyone accuses me of fucking everyone... why shouldn't you too?"

He's suddenly self conscious of the bullet scars on his chest and covers them with his hands, but it is his scarred left hand. He feels so afraid, afraid that he'll be seen as deserving to die. He tries to pull th blankets on the bed to cover himself but it's futile with both of them laying on top of the blankets.

"I... I thought you saw me as something other than a whore." The words are coming out vulerable and opening old wounds.. or at least wounds from the previous year. "I'm stupid enough to ... to think anyone might actually want something more than bragging about fucking me."

Ziggy is slowly curling up, knees to his chest. He's self conscious right now of being naked. He wraps his arms around his knees and hides his face in his knees. He doesn't want to cry. If Hiroki think so little of him why should he cry for him?

[somekindofspaceuncle]

At first, there's just pure surprise, startled pulling away... no, shock... as the clone's eyes widen upon hearing Hiroki's words.

Then, well, even if not thoughts, Ziggy can definitely feel suicidal feelings. Hiroki suddenly feels as if he might, actually, really, kill himself in a few minutes.

Hiroki quietly stands up, shaking.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

It's those feelings that bring Ziggy out of his self loathing. He lifts his head and grabs Hiroki's hand. The grip is as tight as he can hold on. He just stares for a moment blinking back the threatening tears. He's hurt and confused about so much.

"Why... why do you always tell me to go?" Ziggy asks in barely a whisper. "Why won't you let me stay? I want to."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"You- you do??"

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy wants to scream again. Not words just a sound but he swallow the urge. "Since ... "

He doesn't have the words but he was writing something. It's so much easier to sing so he turns to it, to a fragment of something he was writing.

The days fell on their knees
Maybe I'll take something to help me
Hope someone takes after me
This time I know I could get it together
If I did casually mention tonight
That would be crazy tonight

Heart wrecker, heart wrecker, make me delight
Life is so vague when it brings someone new
This time tomorrow I'll know what to do
I know it's happened to you

that's what I meant to say
Or do something, but what I never say is
Stay this time, I really meant to so bad this time