There&#39;s a Starman

"Didn't want to or you were forced to not want to?" Ziggy is being stubborn, as usual.

"I saw who was in your mind, so did someone else in the family. She's horrible." If that wasn't obvious in the fact that multiple pacifists would go full blown psychic warfare on her in a heartbeat.

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Forced to...

"Listen, you're not going to invalidate my life just because Honerva was hovering over it. You have no idea-"

"I was who I was, even if I wasn't, but there are things I felt that were me, that were mine, Ziggy, and that were true! I care about Keith, Pidge, Matt, Lance, Allura, Hunk, and Coran."

"I wanted to fight for anyone who couldn't fight for themselves against Zarkon's and Honerva's and Lotor's Empire!"

"I wanted to still be a Paladin of Voltron, even if Black's rejection at first hurt me a lot!"

"Those may have originated in another's memories... but later-- that was all me, Ziggy!"

"So don't telling me I didn't feel what I felt! I, Hiroki Shirogane, even if I had no name of my own back then. So-- you can't say that I--"

"That I didn't feel anything of my own."

He's panting. And glowing, that blue-white light. And then, suddenly, he disappears.

Edited Date: 2020-08-07 10:46 am (UTC)

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He wanted to argue that the love was true but maybe some other things weren't. He wanted to tell him about what Honerva did in the mind space, especially with Tommy. He just wanted Hiroki to understand that he's not a bad person. Ziggy's desperate for that understanding.

But then he just disappears. For a moment, he doesn't panic. After all, his mom's people can astral project, but it quickly sets in that Hiroki is not Anthean. The terror is too much for him to take in. The panic that he's dead again sets in so fast that Ziggy just collapses unconscious where he's standing. Everything going black before he can stop it. He's probably going to get injured if he's falling on a hard surface, hopefully he's in the grass or something where it will just be bruises instead of breaks.

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Allura was doing some maintenance on IGF-Atlas, but she's finished with it, and now going to, well, her temporary home. However, on her way she notices.

A collapsed person.

Immediately, she crouches near. And checks the vital signs.

"Are you alright? No, you probably can't hear me."

Can't if unconscious.

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Ziggy isn't human enough, most of the human pulse points, he doesn't have, also his heart is in his back and hard to feel the beat from the front of the chest.

However, he is breathing. Supported by the groaning and mumbling of Hiroki's name. Ziggy however is firmly entrenched in a nightmare about the first night after Shiro told him his beloved was dead. Allura might feel the incredible pain and loss emanating from him at this point

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Hiroki? Could this possibly be one of Hiroki Shiro's friends in Nexus?

And so much pain...

She'll try to look into his mind gently. Ready to retreat if there's any discomfort at her presence.

my name is Allura. I'm a friend of Hiroki's, and I mean you no harm.

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Ziggy can't hear her readily because he is reliving a memory and if she stays. She will experience it first person. It starts with pain and drinking, heavily. The mind say that it will numb everything. Only it doesn't. The loss is still there and the crying and eventually outright screaming because the hurt needs to be vented. Then cocaine is added to the mix and more drinking. In this memory, it was the first attempt to drown out everything to just stop experiencing anything because he's alone. The heartbreak would be tangible even if she wasn't in his mind.

There's another thread with the memory, a fear that he is about to relive that, that Hiroki is gone.. lost to him again. Ziggy has just shut off. He doesnt want to be trapped in the memory but he doesn't want to wake up either. He thinks he's just seen Hiroki's spirit die and he can't shake the pain, can't disbelieve that is what has just happened before his eyes.

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Oh. Oh, no, has something happened to Hiroki-Shiro?

Pulling out of his mind now, dimly aware now that this might be Ziggy, Allura searches. Without leaving collapsed Ziggy alone, she's not like that, she's aware he might need help.

But she searches.

And sighs with relief when, in mind, she finds Hiroki-Shiro, asleep, she might call it, or resting, inside the vast Quintessence of the Atlas.

She smiles, then turns back to Ziggy. And then. Picks him up.

"Let's go to Atlas, hm? Don't fret. It's not that far away."

Oh. He's so light. Antheans... are they a little like birds or something? She was ready for more Altean or Galra or human weight.

Well, she'll be gentle with him.

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Ziggy doesn't wake when he's moved but he does have scraped knees, the danger of short dresses and passing out. He also might have a bump to the head, but it isn't bad. Ziggy just keeps grinding on the memories of thinking Hiroki was dead and terrified now that he's been abandoned, or worse, that Hiroki is dead again.

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Allura pats him a little.

Shsh, shsh, your husband's there, just resting. We're going to him. Be strong.

And finally they're in sight of Atlas. Allura sighs. She's almost sure Ziggy should feel everything from here if he's like lady Aletayria... unless he's just stuck too deep in his memories.

Atlas isn't only Hiroki. But familiar strands of Quintessence, of presence, deep, deep, deep inside, should be recognisable.

To her they are. To him, too, most likely.

"I guess we'll go inside. He'll know I haven't done anything to you. You fretted, huh? It's alright. And he might, too, but it's alright."

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Ziggy is unresponsive but when they get close to the Atlas he just starts crying. He's stuck in a memory of thinking Hiroki is dead so feeling his presence hurts. In the memory he wanted it so badly, to feel his presence, and he was convinced he would never feel it again.

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Allura carries Ziggy inside Atlas. Goes up to one of the control panels and places Ziggy's hand on it.

Ziggy will probably now, quickly, feel the familiar presence reaching out to him gently.

Allura smiles.

Meanwhile, there's that reaching out. Like a nonverbal at all hey. Hey, I know you. Hey.Hey. Hey. poking at Ziggy's mind now, in various places, without reservation.

Allura winces and moves to take take Ziggy's hand away, but at that, she can feel a warning of discontent, on Atlas's side, like a soundless growl, so she doesn't do that, for now.

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Even through the memories he's reliving Ziggy can feel the gentle touch. It's so familiar and wanted. Allura will see the glow start on his forehead as he tries to reach out.

"HIroki!" Ziggy suddenly screams his name because he feels too far away. His still unconscious mind unable to process the disconnect between the physical presence touching him and the spiritual one reaching out.

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In mind, even deeper, in spirit, because every living being has Quintessence, and Atlas will never shield from Ziggy's, Ziggy now probably can see... space. Empty, dark space. There is place here. Infinite place. Infinite space.

Though suddenly, on horizon, very, very far away, like the Sun, is, not the Sun, nor any stars, but the Earth. Which serves as sun here. Apparently. Feels warm.

But before Ziggy can look much, in there's, all still in mind, in that space, a touch on his shoulder. Familiar touch. And familiar voice,

"I can hear you, Ziggy. Why are you screaming? Are you hurt? Let me look at you."

Hiroki's voice. At Ziggy's side, here, inside. A bit unfocused. Airy.

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Though Ziggy hasn't woken up physically, his mind does. He's seen Earth this way, from space. He remembers it, bittersweet in some ways because he had missed his mother so much after.

Ziggy himself is glowing brightly, particularly from his eyes and the circle he paints on his forehead. Here in the spiritual realm it can be felt, the hope and love radiating from him like the warmth of summer. It is the same golden glow seen in the material realm but here it can be felt.

Slowly his attention turns away from the Earth to the voice and touch. He doesn't say anything because he's relatively mute in the spiritual realm right now but images and feelings come; fear, loss, worry, heartache, and confusion. The emotions laced with images of how his mind had produced a hundred ways Hiroki could have died after Shiro had spoken to him. The sense is there that these fears are also current. In disappearing, Hiroki had reinvigorated them.

Edited Date: 2020-08-08 12:08 pm (UTC)

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I'm here, Ziggy. I'm here. I'm here, and oh, I love you so, so, so much.

Hiroki's voice. Somewhat weak. Tired.

Hiroki still can't be seen.

Quiznak, you're so beautiful. And handsome. Too beautiful. I love you. I adore you. You'll never know how much I adore you, for it can't even be expressed.

Well. I have to go, I want to know why you're scared so, but I need to go, this was longer than I imagined, anyway, I can't talk to you like this, longer than this, it's simply impossible. Unless--

Unless---- would you- this is outside everything we have, and-- now I'm embarassed, but...I don't even know your experience, but--- would you agree to be my pilot? If you do, I can stay. Always.

His voice seems to be fading.

Edited Date: 2020-08-08 12:38 pm (UTC)

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Ziggy responds instantly to the weakness, his own mental power surging, offering itself to Hiroki. With it comes the calm intensity of his heart and the love there. It belongs to this spirit and voice.

Pilot? Ziggy finally qyestions more verbally as his spirit reaches for Hiroki's, desperate to touch it. As desperate for contact as he is physically. I have piloted a ship before.

He didn't know about this one but he could try.

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Some of that energy gets siphoned, yes. Only as much as Ziggy offers. No, even a bit less.

Hiroki suddenly appears, kneeling in front of Ziggy, pure unaltered adoration in his eyes.

He seems to be made of solid light, familiar whitish azure, now pulsating. His hair is short and he has two arms.

He looks up at Ziggy, and then, in one swoop motion, he glomps him.

"Princess, you're my pilot! Thanks, oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Ziggy! I was afraid I--- see, I need a pilot, I was exhausted, and almost getting ready to fly back to my pilot. But I stayed, wearing myself out, because I swore, I swore... oh, thank you!!"

The whole infinity arounds the two of them lights up. Blue balls of light flying everywhere. There are also blue and golden comets, streaking the space.

"You really agreed to be my pilot?! You're great!"

"You're my pilot, Ziggy!"

He giggles. Ziggy can probably feel Hiroki's joy and gratitude bubbling up. Everywhere.

Hiroki's wearing a Galaxy Garrison uniform.

Edited Date: 2020-08-08 01:30 pm (UTC)

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Ziggy wraps Hiroki in his arms, eager to embrace. Here in the space of minds and spirits all of his usual frailty and weakness is gone. In here, Ziggy is incredibly strong, probably all Antheans would be. He's so strong that he literally picks Hiroki up off his feet in the hug.

Unlike his partner who is wearing clothing, Ziggy is nothing but pure light that flares brighter as soon as they contacted each other. He's still his same shape though. Truthfully, he doesn't really know what he has agreed to but if it keeps Hiroki safe and alive he will figure it out. It's enough to make him smile that, despite the seriousness, Ziggy thinks the whole thing sounds a little dirty or erotic.. to be his lover's pilot.

He lovingly strokes Hiroki's back as they hug. "I'm here for you, always. I told you.. but, you might have to teach me. I don't think this is like an Anthean ship."

It does have some similarities in fact only Ziggy doesn't know it yet. "Or maybe my parents can help me, too?"

Though his mind comes around to something serious and he pulls away just enough to gaze at Hiroki. "Are you sure? I can't fight in wars or anything. It'd kill me."

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Laughing continues.

"I knew you were strong!"

He says, after laughter.

"I'll teach you to pilot Atlas! Allura will help. She brought you here. Did you know? She's holding you now. Princess Allura, the Blue Paladin."

"Fighting? Oh, Ziggy. Shiro is my pilot. And Ziggy is my pilot. No need for you to fight in any battle to come, Ziggy."

Suddenly. Head tilt.

"Wait. Are you thinking something inappropriate? I bet you are. Please don't. You know who is also my pilot."

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"I panicked when you disappeared." Ziggy admits. "I don't remember her. I might be unconcious?"

Ziggy laughs mischevious as ever. "He's just going to have to deal with us being lovers." He comments before kissing Hiroki, literally touching emotions and minds. There's no room for secrets here and Ziggy knows it. Knows in that one action that Hiroki can know everything about him, see and feel everything he has ever experienced, if he wants to. It's vulnerable but he trusts this spirit with everything he might find out.

"I can't help it. My love for you is all the ways you can love someone, even the inappropriate ones, my paladin." He remembers Hiroki mentioning that word when talking about his military service, as if it was a rank. It seemd appropriate as a term of teasing affection too.

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"Yes, you're unconscious. I'm so, so, so sorry. It's my fault, isn't it?"

"Are you hurt, Ziggy?"

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Hiroki Shirogane grins.

"Shiro already knows I'm yours. It's just, there are things-- well, things I'll just try not to let him see, next time he's connecting to Atlas. Because we, here right now - this is private, isn't it? If I manage to make it so. I might not--"

And then Ziggy's kissing him, and Shiro's clone, Hiroki Shirogane, of Atlas, kisses him back, passionately. With his whole being.

And Ziggy may well, if he tries, easily see the whole short life of Shiro's clone, from its very beginning. And Hiroki knows that Ziggy may, too.

After the kiss, Hiroki's still smiling, but his smile falters once Ziggy speaks.

"I'm no longer a Paladin, Princess,"he whispers softly, with melancholy. "I can never be one again. Ever. As much as I'd like to be."

Suddenly, he flashes Hiroki a brilliant grin.

"However, Ziggy, you're a Paladin now, also. You're my pilot, after all. You're a Paladin of Atlas, Co-captain. Welcome aboard."

Hiroki hugs Ziggy tightly. More tightly than ever. Here, he can. Here, they can do this. With no worry for Ziggy. Because Ziggy's body isn't here. And hugging won't hurt him.

Killing would kill him, yes, would kill him outside, too, but, hugging won't kill, so, yeah.

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Ziggy holds a bit tighter. "I thought I lost you again."

Ziggy smirks. "I don't care if he sees anything. I'm not ashamed of myself or anything I do with you." Ziggy leans in to whisper. "Though, I'd hate for him to get jealous of how well I take care of you."

He's teasing of course, and flirting. "You might not be a paladin like this any more, but you're my paladin. My protector and knight of heroism and chivalry. You can always be my paladin Hiroki."

Ziggy knew it had a different meaning but the word still held true. The title makes him giggle and burys his face in Hiroki's neck. "My dad's going to be proud.. and so jealous. You know, you should bring my parents here. My dad would be like a school boy in this thing."

He hasn't seen it yet but he's starting to sense the vastness of the ship.

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